August 18, 2010

ICYMI: Griffin sticks up for same-sex marriage

Posted: 10:38 AM ET
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Marilyn   August 18th, 2010 11:09 am ET

I don't understand why they need to "get married". They can live together... they can buy a house together (just make sure paper work states if it's 50/50 or 40/60 etc), they can name the other as insurance beneficiary, they can assign the other all things in their will, they can even adopt a child and name both as parent . For what reaons do they need to "get married"? If they both are employed, they will get their own social security, have their own health insurance. I just cannot think of any sound reason why they feel they NEED to get married. I could not care less except that making same sex marriage legal undermines the sanctity of what marriage should be...between one man and one woman. So stop trying to make me believe otherwise!

Sarah   August 18th, 2010 1:16 pm ET


If we were to give a "civil right" to the same-sex couples,
If we should not take "happiness" away from people,
If nobody has a right to say "who I should marry",
If a child can be adopted by a "loving" family and the gender does not matter,

Why can a man marry three women or why can a woman marry two men if they are all happy?

The same-sex marriage is against our nature regardless of our religion or faith. If you look at a gay or lesbian couple, one of them always looks like a man and the other a woman.

Legalization of the same-sex marriage will bring other issues and problems to our culture. And this will take rights away from those who do not support this. People who support traditional marraige will be penalized for not participating in promotion of "lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender".

Marji   August 18th, 2010 2:49 pm ET

Marriage has been clearly defined throughout history as one man and one woman. Every major religion and culture has accepted this definition. The anatomy of humans shows us that a man's body was never designed for another man, nor a woman for another woman. "Holy matrimony" is reserved for a man and woman. Redefining what has already been defined will over time ultimately unravel our society. Any true Bible-believing pastor would refuse to "marry" gays. Eventually Christians may be forced underground as in other countries because they would refuse to acknowledge homosexuals as "married."

Gerry Bresnahan   August 18th, 2010 3:40 pm ET

I don't understand why anyone cares what two consenting adults want to do. Do whatever makes you two happy. It's not my business.

I understand we need to say who our beneficiaries are, who gets to decide whether to keep you on life support or not, etc, but why do we have to register our relationships with the government? It's silly.

Eric   August 18th, 2010 3:46 pm ET

Think about it this way: why do straight coupls want to get married? Its the same answer for gay couples. It solidifies a bond, legally & spiritually. Its a sign of love. Its not about the insurance or children, though it makes all that much easier. Its about being one unit. About being one family. About being one in love.

SCat   August 18th, 2010 3:46 pm ET

Marilyn: Why do a man and a woman "NEED" to get married? What is the difference between a man and a man or woman and woman getting married? What difference does it make to your life?

Joshua   August 18th, 2010 3:47 pm ET

Marilyn, why do you NEED to vote? Why would a white man and a black woman want to get married? Why would anyone want to get married?

Please use logic before opening the gaping chasm on your face.

Kael   August 18th, 2010 3:47 pm ET

Wow, i cannot believe you Marilyn. for one thing its not that we don't NEED to get married its we want the choice to get married just like everyone else, because we are just like everyone else. and number two who the hell says its between a man and a women? the bible... yeah thats solid hard core evidence. i know its your opinion and i hope you realize i respect that but how about thinking for others rather than yourself...

Richard   August 18th, 2010 3:48 pm ET

Obviously, you have no respect for our the law.

DanielHutton   August 18th, 2010 3:48 pm ET

"They" need to get married for the same reason straight people like you do. Marriage is a way symbolizing their love for another. Everyone should just mind their own business and let people live their lives the way they want!

idre   August 18th, 2010 3:49 pm ET

With all do respect Marilyn, get with the program. It's not that simple. Why shouldn't our community have the same rights as you? Maybe we should go & revoke your right to vote as a woman? Or your right to the same wages as us men? How about we strip your right to own property. I think that would all suffice. I mean, if we can't have the same rights as everyone else.... WHY SHOULD YOU as some CHICK?

philip   August 18th, 2010 3:50 pm ET


Griffin here is expressing her opinion on equal rights, which you clearly do not believe in.

"I could not care less"

You clearly do care because you've felt the need to declare to the world that you do not believe that homosexuals should be allowed to be married. I suggest you keep your fascist opinion to yourself.

spatula   August 18th, 2010 3:50 pm ET

Yeah, why do straight people feel they need to "get married" exactly? After all, they can live together, buy a house together, etc. Why exactly are they forcing their opposite-sex marriages on me?

Honestly, do you anti-gay haters ever THINK before you speak?

(No, you do not.)

Daisy Daimwood   August 18th, 2010 3:50 pm ET

Marilyn, You are so nieve. It isn't only about the benefits, it is about FREEDOM and EQUALITY.

Amber   August 18th, 2010 3:52 pm ET

"they" don't NEED to get married "they" DESERVE to get married. What gives others the right to tell an entire group of citizens that they aren't equal and can't live their lives as the rest of the country.

Gabriela   August 18th, 2010 3:52 pm ET

Marilyn: But why can't they get married? Why is so complicated to a simple thing be legal for everyone? It's so stupid to think that it needs so much effort to require a right of everyone! Why do straight people get married? They don't need it too.
I don't know in USA, but where I live, in Brazil, even adopt a child is impossible to a gay couple, and this is so wrong. Because gay people pay all taxes to government just like a straight people, so why don't they have the same rights as a straight people?

Justin   August 18th, 2010 3:53 pm ET

And here we have people like Marilyn who still don't understand Separation of Church and state. This sanctity of marriage stuff is total bull and it's just the Christian excuse for getting what they want. I think that heterosexuals don't understand what sanctity is since they are all so quick to marry someone and divorce them a few years late. My Mom has been with the same woman for 16 years and while it's like they are married, they just want to have the same opportunity to show their love as everyone else.

Terry - Washington State   August 18th, 2010 3:53 pm ET

Marilyn – How do these folks being married affect the sanctity of your marriage or mine? I've thought about it; it would make no difference to my wife and I. It's a commitment between two people.

Perhaps, the government should have no recognition of marriage. All couples have civil unions. The marriage is between you, your spouse and your church; for those that claim a faith, there's many married people that are atheist or agnostic. Religion is not a part of law, or shouldn't be.

Saidi   August 18th, 2010 3:53 pm ET

I am a lesbian. My desire to be married is zilch for I believe that marriage is nothing more than a scam! My mission is to abolish marriage altogether. Everyone will have a civil union that allows you the civil liberties that heterosexuals currently have! Sure, if you would like to get married, in the eyes of God and your church, feel free...but you will no longer have the CIVIL rights that you currently have with marriage. See, my goal, my mission, is to institute the separation of church and state that we are suppose to have in this country. It was a fundamental stepping stone in building our nation! To Marilyn, I would love to answer your question...but it is clear that you first need to read a book, an article, talk to someone of the LGBT community, then my dear Marilyn, come back and we will have a conversation. Ms. Kathy Griffin, you are an amazing woman and the LGBT community commends your work!!

Jason   August 18th, 2010 3:53 pm ET

...for the same reasons heterosexual couples want to get married. It's as simple as that!

If you don't like it, fine. All you have to do is MIND YOUR OWN MARRIAGE!

Cale   August 18th, 2010 3:53 pm ET

Marilyn, we're not trying to make you believe otherwise, since, as you stated, you don't understand why they need to get married. We're trying to explain to you the importance. Marriage today is not strictly a holy union between a man and a woman as so many homophobes try to paint it as; if this were the case, why would atheists, agnostics, or any other religion care to get married at all? Marriage equality is all in the name: it's EQUALITY. Marriage is the ultimate commitment and the ultimate expression of love for your partner. When we are denied the right to marry just like any other straight couple, we are treated as second-class citizens (same goes for if we were to be given civil unions).
Furthermore, your "one man, one woman" argument puzzles me, as there is no rulebook written by the inventor of marriage which strictly demands that it should be this way and this way only (and don't cite the Bible; it doesn't talk about homosexuality, despite whatever verses you may quote).

Jason   August 18th, 2010 3:54 pm ET

Black civil rights met similar opposition, and we were able to move past those issues and grow as a nation because of it. This is no different. Married couples receive approximately 1,400 benefits by the state and federal government, and denying anyone those rights for any reason is unfair and un-American. Way to go Kathy! Keep up the good work, you're in a position to make a change for the better.

Nat   August 18th, 2010 3:56 pm ET

To get all federal protection all married couples get: pension, inheritance, immigration, social security, and other rights, etc... Get some reading on the issue and than express a educated opinion!

Mark   August 18th, 2010 3:56 pm ET

"We" need to get married for the same reason you do, Marilyn. Because we love each other and want to be married. Having papers doesn't do anything. Married couples still get better tax breaks. Married couples still get other benefits that partnered people don't. Regardless of legal papers, a gay couple still can not make decisions for each other in some states simply because they're gay. In many states gay couples can NOT adopt a child.

And explain to me how a marriage between one man and one woman is so sacred? My aunt who was with her partner for almost 30 years, until she died of breast cancer considered her relationship to be a sanctified one. Elizabeth Taylor, Michael Jackson, Larry King, Britney Spears, and so many other straight people got married to enter into that sacred institution, the one that you say is sanctified. You tell me which relationship was the one sactified – the 30 year one, or one of the many, many that lasted only a few month.

You see what you want to see because your eyes have been shuttered by an age old religious belief, rather than opening them up and seeing that real love is all around you and that there is nothing unacceptable about it. I promise you, if I'm allowed to marry my boyfriend, we won't have sex in front of you, we won't molest or convert your children, and we won't try to force your families to accept our views on global warming. We just want want you want from a family.

David   August 18th, 2010 3:58 pm ET

I would like to say that I'm not saying this to try and make you change your beliefs or anything like that. But I would just like to ask this: Why do straight people NEED to get married? Most straight people i know get married because they want to make that commitment to each other. It's a way to show the world their love for one another, and I would assume it's the same for gay couples. We want to be allowed to marry because we want to make that commitment to each other, celebrate our love. I understand you may not agree with it due to religious views or moral beliefs, but how can you say we are trying to undermine the sanctity of marriage? I don't think we are trying to injure or destroy marriage. How would a man marrying another man undermine your marriage?(if you are married) Me marrying the man i love has nothing to do with you, it's not going to hurt you, im not forcing you to accept it, I would just like your tolerance.

Mikey   August 18th, 2010 3:58 pm ET

Marriage is the binding and sacred ritual of between two people. Its what secures their love for eachother. I don't understand why are getting so annoyed by it Marilyn. Is it harming you? I believe that same-sex marriage is great! Marriage is a human right! Why should that be taken away from us just because we're attracted to the same sex?

Aria   August 18th, 2010 3:58 pm ET

Marilyn: Some of those things are true (health insurance, though they don't get to account for it as favorably, meaning gay couples pay about 10% more in income tax), some are not: houses bought jointly by unmarried partners work more like a business, and credit is vastly harder to obtain.

Immigration rights are nonexistent if not married.

Tax law favors the married.

Inheritance favors the married.

Social security survivor's benefits only apply to the married.

Single and gay people are discriminated against heavily by the law.

Ben   August 18th, 2010 3:59 pm ET

@ Marilyn – There are like 2,000 other benifits that you get when you get married that gay people don't get. I don't feel the need to explain them all to a closed minded person, but if you can comment here then I'm sure you know how to google. Also, there are many gay couples who do raise children, and those children do not have the same protections as children of straight married couples. I also like how you tiptoed around the social security comment by not mentioning receiving your spouses social security even after he passes. Do you feel that you are entitled to your husbands social security if he passes before you? Maybe you should call up the social security department and decline those payments. Again, seperation of church and state. Religious people are free to have thier own "sacred" religious ceremonies, but marriage is now more a state thing than a religious thing. How about we make it to where just by getting married you do not recieve any state or federal benifits at all. Then "married" couples would then have to file for a civil union as well.

Evan   August 18th, 2010 3:59 pm ET

@Marilyn the reason why it is important is because people get Tax Benefits, Estate Planning Benefits, Government Benefits, Employment Benefits, Medical Benefits, Death Benefits, Family Benefits, Housing Benefits, Consumer Benefits, Other Legal Benefits and Protections. Living together, won't get those benefits. When the court finally recognizes same-sex marriage, same-sex couples will be granted all of these benefits

Joe   August 18th, 2010 4:00 pm ET

Marilyn: Why does anyone get married? You listed all of them, but they're all fairly artificial compared to standing before your family, your friends, and even you entire community and avowing your love for each other. And if they have children, why should those children have any less of a right to grow up in a stable household?

It's for all the same reasons, not just to poke a stick in your beliefs about what a marriage "should" be. Gay people aren't some alien life form, they're all human beings and Americans, with the same needs and desires as everyone else. And as such they all deserve equal treatment under the law.

Jennifer   August 18th, 2010 4:02 pm ET

Marilyn.. If the roles were reversed, would it be enough for YOU..? Would it be OK if someone told you that you could live together, buy a house together, etc.. but you just can't get married..? Would you just go away quietly..? I save money on taxes when I'm married.. get lower health insurance premiuims as a married couple as opposed to 2 single people.. the list goes on and on. Again, would it be enough for YOU..?

David   August 18th, 2010 4:02 pm ET

Marilyn to reply to your comment which you are entitled to.... Not knowing you but I will ask are you married? If so what if their was a law in place that said you could not legally marry the person you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with. It is easy for people to say that they can just get it all documented and move on but that is not true, many states would not recognize those documents in Florida gay couples cannot adopt, some parents that do not agree with their child's life, can take them to court and attempt to over turn those documents. If a person "Life Partner" is ill and in the hospital many states won't allow the other person to make decisions for them even with documents. When you marry your spouse has those rights by just saying I do, I would have to get lawyers and documents. With marriage I would be give the same rights as everyone else, what is so wrong with that? Do you think that black people should not have been give the right to vote, own property or just be free? Marriage is not being destroyed by gay people because we don't have the right its straight people that are doing that on their own. Allowing me to be married does not affect you in any way. If anything I would hope that it would stop people from saying gay people are promiscuous and living a wild life. Being a homosexual is not a choice no more than it is a choice for you to be a heterosexual. You were born that way just as I was. I really wish that groups would come out against straight people and create a law that says you cannot get a divorce or that if you get married you have to stay with the person for a least 10 years or pay a huge fine to divorce.....I don't think people would like that someone else is deciding their fate for them now would they.....Again you are entitled to your opinion but keep in mind your vote is deciding something that does not affect you or will not change anything for you....We are gay and will continue to be and are not going any where......

Stephen   August 18th, 2010 4:03 pm ET

To Marilyn: The reason same sex couples NEED to get married, is because this is discrimination. Why do heterosexual couples NEED to get married? As much as people would like this to be a religious discussion, it simply is not. If that were the case, wouldn't you ban Atheists from marriage and people of other faiths? You don't because that would be discrimination and there's no reason to allow this kind of discrimination to be be institutionalized within our court system. Any concern about the sanctity of marriage went out the door with the very first divorce.

john   August 18th, 2010 4:05 pm ET

i would like to know why its such a huge deal to marilyn and many others like her. if you want to protect the sanctity of marraige then ack like it. the divorce rate is sooo high its like you dont take it as sanctity! meaning before god and between a man and woman! to be real i would say that gays would be a hell of alot better at it then yall and maybe that is the real issue at hand! its like trying to keep a car or house that your not paying for and then trying to tell the bank they cant have it! i think the gay comunity will be very good at it and in reality they have been for a very long time without the beloved title of marriage.

Jamie   August 18th, 2010 4:05 pm ET

What defines the sanctity of marriage as between one man and one woman?

DC jeff   August 18th, 2010 4:06 pm ET

Let me tell you, I agree that nothing should demean marriage between one man and one woman. That's why every time I see a divorced person, I want to stab them in the eye for getting divorced and demeaning marriage. The ones who have the near to remarry - what is marriage one man, two wives - those are even worse. That just spits on the institution of marriage and I just want to shove them in front oncoming traffic. But then there are those people who not only get divorced once, but twice, three times or more! I stay away from them because I am sure God is going to smote them sooner or later. They are the absolute worst. They are essentially taking a dump on the institution of marriage.

I cannot believe that this Christian country allows people to divorce. God said one man, one woman, what do people not understand? So you don't love your spouse? So what? You're married! So your spouse drinks too much, is a drug addict, or beats you? So what? You're married!

If people cared a lick about marriage, they would march to ban divorce. But it is clear that no one cares about marriage any more. People get divorced left and right, leaving kids behind to be raised by only one parent. Everyone knows from that Prop 8 case that kids who are not raised by a mom and a dad are scarred for life and turn out to be terrible people. But people still get divorced. Maybe we should institute some Taliban justice and just stone those divorced people!

Funny thing is, while all these people are running out on their spouses and getting divorced and leaving their kids behind, there are all these gay people who say that they want nothing more than to marry one person and raise their family together as married parents. Can't figure out why their fighting so hard for an institution that's on the verge of collapse as as result of all of the divorces between one man and one woman. Makes me think they don't know what they're fighting for.

John   August 18th, 2010 4:06 pm ET


Your personal beliefs, whether they are rooted in your own bigoted personal moral grounds or religion, will not define the laws in America. We shall overcome.

We deserve to get married because we love just like you. What kind of person are you to think otherwise? Shame on you.

James   August 18th, 2010 4:07 pm ET

They can get all benefits Marilyn?! What about FEDERAL benefits?

They don't get them.

So educate yourself.

Kasey   August 18th, 2010 4:10 pm ET

@ Marilyn – How about for 1,143 rights/benefits that are only granted if you have a marriage license? And by denying these rights to gay couples and telling us to be happy with just coexisting is telling us we are lesser than, that we are second class citizens. And there is no "sanctity" of marriage. Over 50% of heterosexual marriages end in divorce. Hetrosexuals can get married 2, 3, 4...NINE times if they choose. Where's the sanctity in that? This is a civil rights issue plain and simple. And like the darling KG said in the video it's really just a matter of right and wrong. When countries like Argentina, which is FAR more religious than the US, and starting to catch up with the times and realize that it's wrong to treat a subset of people a second class citizens, it is just EMBARASSING that the US is still living in the dark ages on this issue. But the time will come when it will be legalized, just wait and see.

Melissa   August 18th, 2010 4:10 pm ET

If marriage truly is supposed to be saved for procreation then why am I, a straight woman that CHOSE to get a tubal ligation able to still get married? Makes no sense to me...

Michael   August 18th, 2010 4:11 pm ET

To Marilyn:
Are you kidding me? The Sanctity of marriage? If people want to uphold the sanctity of marriage lets start Prop 69 were we ban divorce, and adultery is punishable by death. That might help "sanctify" marriage. First off as a single, gay male I would like to think that one day if/when I find someone to be with that the opportunity for me to marry him will be made available to me. You clearly don't fully understand how things work. You say they both can work and have their own insurance and benefits. Well lets say two men adopt a baby as you say we can so "easily" do. What if one decides to be a stay at home Dad, how does he get health insurance? What if his partner dies should he not be eligible for social security death benefits? By denying us something like marriage, your say we still can live together share things in a will, adopt children. I am guessing your heterosexual, if not then your a self hating lesbian; but I would like to assume your heterosexual. Your entitled automatically to your husbands social security death benefits, if he dies before you. You don't need a will to specifically retain the things that you achieved and built during your relationship, your his "wife" of course you should get the house. You can be a stay at home mom and still be covered under your "husbands" insurance. Now let me just say this, as a gay man, I really don't give a damn what they call it as long as it's equal to heterosexual marriage in EVERY regard and and has the same legal protections as you and every other heterosexual marriage has. Marylin, I hope you can read this and maybe see how your thoughts, dramatically and negatively impact the "supposed" free and same rights of others. I wish you the best in your marriage, and one day it would be nice if you could wish gays and lesbians the best in theirs.

DC jeff   August 18th, 2010 4:13 pm ET

Let me tell you, I agree that nothing should demean the sanctity marriage between one man and one woman. That's why every time I see a divorced person, I want to stab them in the eye for getting divorced and demeaning the sanctity of marriage. The ones who have the nerve to remarry – what is marriage one man, two wives – those are even worse. That just spits on the sanctity of the institution of marriage and I just want to shove them in front oncoming traffic. But then there are those people who not only get divorced once, but twice, three times or more! I stay away from them because I am sure God is going to smote them sooner or later. They are the absolute worst. They are essentially taking a dump on the sanctity of the institution of marriage.

I cannot believe that this Christian country allows people to divorce. God said one man, one woman, what do people not understand? So you don't love your spouse? So what? You're married! So your spouse drinks too much, is a drug addict, or beats you? So what? You're married!

If people cared a lick about marriage, they would march to ban divorce. But it is clear that no one cares about marriage any more. People get divorced left and right, leaving kids behind to be raised by only one parent. Everyone knows from that Prop 8 case that kids who are not raised by a mom and a dad are scarred for life and turn out to be terrible people. But people still get divorced. Maybe we should institute some Taliban justice and just stone those divorced people!

Funny thing is, while all these people are running out on their spouses and getting divorced and leaving their kids behind, there are all these gay people who say that they want nothing more than to marry one person and raise their family together as married parents. Can't figure out why they’re fighting so hard for an institution that's on the verge of collapse as a result of all of the divorces between one man and one woman. Makes me think they don't know what they're fighting for.

Kerry Metheny-Coffey   August 18th, 2010 4:15 pm ET

Granted, "WE" can do those things you mentioned Marilyn, however, when my Partner/Husband/Spouse passes away, I would have to pay huge taxes on my own home in order to keep it because it is a gift...and not mine as heterosexual married couples are allowed. If we are both working, we are used to two incomes, and heaven forbid, my Partner/Husband/Spouse passes away, I DO NOT get any benefits to make up the differences in income that my household needs in order to maintain it. Therefore, I may be forced to sell my home. As a you have to go have EXTRA paperwork drawn up in order to keep your home? Again, extra expenses. As in my previous relationship, where my partner unexpectedly passed away, his family came in and took everything that was "supposedly" his. I had no legal grounds to keep anything that we had amassed together because despite our committed relationship and the absence of his biological family....they were legally entitled to anything that could be construed as his own personal property.
Now on the other hand....where is it going to affect heterosexuals in ANY way whether I get married to my Partner/Husband/Spouse? Is the government going to suddenly take away your rights as a heterosexual and the guarantees that marriage affords? I don't think so.

Joseph   August 18th, 2010 4:18 pm ET

@Marilyn And the basis of your "Sanctity" is through religion right? There's this thing in the constitution that says religion and state should be separated. And when has marriage seriously been a big deal cause divorce rates are 40%+. If they were so sacred to the religious people, that wouldn't be so. And ALSO this isn't about wanting to GET married; There's this thing that called "Separate but equal" And that was deemed unconstitutional soo domestic partnerships are exactly that.

Amber   August 18th, 2010 4:18 pm ET

Hi Marilyn – as a straight supporter of gay rights – I wanted to reply to your question as I have many friends who did not understand the issues. First – I would like you to imagine if the rules were reversed and same sex marriage was the law. How would you feel? Also, there are many rights that legal documents cannot protect. There have been efforts to provide same-sex couples the basic protections that all other families rely on. Although they help, they fall short of the things that only marriage can provide. The ability to speak for and be with your partner in an emergency room. A child's knowledge that their family is as valid as other families. There are many ways that only marriage allows you to protect and care for the people you love. Being locked out of these basic protections means real harm to real people. As for the sanctity of marriage being defined as you stated, I believe in your religious freedom to define "the sanctity of what marriage should be – between one man and one woman" but shouldn't I have the same right to follow my own religious beliefs that marriage is a union between two people? Marriage should be a legal right – let each church decide their definition and whether they will perform the ceremony – and keep that as a religious definition – separating church and state – which is a tenant this country was built on. I hope you will think about this issue further and perhaps open your mind to it being an actual legal vs religious issue where your beliefs are not harmed nor changed nor challeged.

Diane   August 18th, 2010 4:20 pm ET

Why she asks ? ... as in the words of Dolly Parton, " Same sex partners should be able to suffer just like we married folks do " ... ( she meant of course, after marriage vows..) I still await a valid REASON why my marriage to my partner is a threat to your way of life? My God in My Life approves that I love another person, regardless. Marraige is the absolute commitment to love, honor and respect to my partner. And for me to marry her is a threat to John and Deb next door? We are lesbians, partners for life, for ever. I am not better than John and Deb, nor are they 'better' than me. We are equal humans on this planet, capable to love another, and sadly we are being judged for loving our partners ? Some day the USA will realize the world wont end because I have proposed marraige and follow through with my partner. I'm sad for those that feel its only 'their' right, and not for everyone, so sad. P.S. I'm 54 years old, and when the time comes that I have to say good bye to this world, my rights to be with my wife shouldnt be a question, put your self into that state of being, alone on your death bed becasue John and Deb said I dont deserve their same rights.

Susan   August 18th, 2010 4:21 pm ET

Marilyn, there are over 1400 rights, responsibilities, and privileges afforded to couples with a marriage license. Tort rights, taxation, and a host of other things designed to protect a family unit. Nothing undermines the sanctity of your marriage except you and your spouse. Mind your own about that?

surlykatt   August 18th, 2010 4:21 pm ET

So my question for Marilyn is: Why do *you* NEED to get married?

Wow, there are a lot of "they"'s in her post!

"Sanctity" is a religious word, and has no place in a discussion of civil marriage laws. The U.S. practices separation of church and state. Sanctity is irrelevant in application of state and federal law.

All of Marilyn's assertions that we can include our partners in our wills (inheritance rights are complicated and vary by state, even for civil unions and domestic partnerships), adopt (it's currently illegal for LGBT couples to adopt in 6 states, and not specified in about half the U.S.), get employment benefits (what if one of us is a stay-at-home-parent and the company only provides benefits for married couples?), etc. are completely inaccurate and incomplete.

Not only are there hundreds of legal protections and benefits conferred by civil marriage (and only civil marriage), but many of the reasons marriage equality is important are related to psychological and social/community health, and reduction of stigma. We all know what stigma has accomplished in the world (genocide, slavery, disease, poverty, racism, war, rape, torture, and murder), and even in the smallest amounts it impacts individuals on a daily basis around the world. More compassion would be nice. I hear Jesus was a big fan. One of his best friends was a prostitute.

Jason   August 18th, 2010 4:25 pm ET

First don't speak about other humans like they're lower class or animals by referring to anyone as "they."

Humans who love one another should be able to get married period. The amount of tax breaks alone make it worth it and as far as the federal government is concerned, gay people are always "single" which just isn't right .

If you want to talk about the "sanctity of marriage," please, let's talk about outlawing divorce, because that undermines it more than any thing else.

Michael Howard   August 18th, 2010 4:26 pm ET

How does one "Disagree" with a
"Homosexual Lifestyle"? Think back to the day
when you decided you were going to be straight, go ahead, take your
time. What you never did? So, you just always knew you were straight?
You never "tried" to like the opposite sex? You just... did. Kinda like were born that way? Interesting.

Timothy   August 18th, 2010 4:38 pm ET

Because, Marilyn, You are not any better than we are. You are not special and you are not under any special laws. You and I both live in American and you and I both are governed by the same laws. Because your religion that you choose to believe might tell you differently doesn't mean that it gets to be the law of the land.

Rightthingtodo TX   August 18th, 2010 4:43 pm ET

need huh?

do you need your marriage tax break?

do you need to get your spouse's social security benefits?

i'm too tired to fully complete this list of questions addressing the over 1,000 benefits that the federal government confers to married individuals.

the big question is how does it undermine the "sanctity" of what you think marriage should be?

Nathan   August 18th, 2010 4:46 pm ET

It's actually because though we can do all those things in a physical nature, the courts will not actually stand behind these actions in a legal dispute. It is an action that essentially is paper and nothing else without the legal assurance a binding marriage can provide. It's also a statement that we can make a commitment to each other just like a heterosexual marriage. Just as a straight marriage is a statement between man and woman that they will love each other for the remainder of their days, a gay marriage would allow gays the same public declaration of their commitment to each other. As for trying to convince you "marilyn", its not about convincing straights to allow us this....its about asking for what we rightfully deserve as human beings.

Jason   August 18th, 2010 4:47 pm ET

Why can a man and woman who meet one night, get drunk off their ass, go to Vegas, and get married have that right to get married one night and regret it the next, but two men deeply in love not have that same privilege? It's just a matter of discrimination. First it was against women in the US, then African Americans, and now homosexuals. When are we going to stop it? Why are we going to wait until it's too late, and until you're the one's being discriminated against to say enough is enough?

Jennifer   August 18th, 2010 4:54 pm ET

@ Marilyn – What if YOU were told that you couldn't get married to a man that you loved and was attracted to? What if you were told that since someone just didn't understand why you needed to get married, that you couldn't do it?

It's not as cut and dry as you make it sound. What if the couple decides that one of them needs to stay home with the children to raise them while the other one works? If they were legally married, the employed spouse's insurance would cover the entire family. Also, about 51% of married couples pay less in taxes when they file together. Why deny a couple this benefit just because of their sexual preference?

I can't believe you're seriously going to use the weak argument of protecting "the sanctity of marriage" when divorce rates are at their highest and when 20 states are allowing marriage to first cousins.

What makes you think that there's nothing wrong with taking away a basic right from other people that you already have and, most likely, take for granted?

Dana   August 18th, 2010 5:14 pm ET

Sure and when one of them dies the other will now have to pay taxes on their home... you wont if you become a widow. You and your husband share your social security benefits they can not. Sanctity goes with religion NO ONE is asking for the sacrament of marriage. The government can not say to the Catholic church or the JLS Church to bless or extend the sacrament what is at issue here is ONLY the legal union.

mt   August 18th, 2010 5:17 pm ET

Marilyn, you sound very ignorant. It's a civil rights issue. Gay people are being denied rights that should be granted to them. Gay people walking down the aisle shouldn't affect your marriage or your friend's marriage. If you think it does, I pity you because that's a pretty sad marriage then. Gays will be granted marriage rights very soon so I'm sorry if your whole world gets turned upside down. : )

Em   August 18th, 2010 5:18 pm ET

"They," "they," "they" (8 times), "their" (2 times" ... "I" and "me" (once each, on either end). I think your response speaks for itself: you don't understand. No one's trying to make you believe otherwise. It's none of your business. Civil rights are for everyone. In our constitution, there is only "us," "our," and "all" - no "they" and "their." We are all one. Peace.

Gene   August 18th, 2010 5:41 pm ET


It's not about a NEED to get married, it's about a RIGHT to get married. Our constitution says that all men are created equal. Do you realize that up until 90 years ago YOU as a WOMAN didn't have the right to vote in this Country? Did your kind feel the NEED to vote as you put it. No, it was about your RIGHT to vote.

So Marilyn, let's look at your so-called sanctity of marriage. The divorce rate is ASTRONOMICAL in this country. Far more marriages FAIL than succeed. So let's do this. Let's propose a constitutional amendment that would bar you from getting divorced under any circumstances. Would you stand for that, or would you feel the NEED to get divorced because you're no longer in love or he cheated on you. What if someone took that right away from you? Would you stand for it? I don't think you would.

Marilyn, under you so-called Sanctity of marriage you would be the posession of your husband. Should we also consider you his posession simply because you are a woman.

I truly don't understand why people feel the need to hide behind the bible to express their hatred toward other people. Doesn't that BIBLE teach you to LOVE THY NEIGHBOR AS THYSELF? Doesn't it also say JUDGE NOT LEST YE BE JUDGED? Or what about LET HE WHO IS WITHOUT SIN CAST THE FIRST STONE?

America is supposed to be the land of opportunity. Our neighbors to the North (Canada) and the South (Mexico) have legalized same-sex marriage. I think right now the great ole US of A is standing here with a huge dose of egg on it's face. What a backwards mucked up country this is where people will grant Chickens and Pot Smokers more rights than two consenting adults.

Lucy   August 18th, 2010 6:33 pm ET

How would "you" like to be denied to marry the one "you" love?

Why do "you" want to deny "them" the right to marry?

How will "their" marriages hurt "your" marriage?

How would "you" like to be told that "your" choice of marriage was voted against.

And, the polygamy argument doesn't work. It's about numbers not classes of people. And, even polygamy wouldn't bother me IF, IF, IF the girls in polygamous marriages had free will and free choice.

I've tried to understand the fear of gays and of gay marriage. I think it's rooted in the fear that IF "your" kids learn about gays, THEN "your" kids will choose to be gay. And, this fear is grounded in the idea that gay is a choice.

Why don't you write to Dick Cheney and ask him about his daughter "choosing" to be gay. Ask him what caused her to make this choice. Ask him what he did or didn't do to prevent her from making this choice.

bill   August 18th, 2010 8:02 pm ET

marilyn, im not sure how my getting married to a man gives you any say what so ever. you should also do your homework it more than just owning a house or getting health insurance. look it up and see all the bennefits straight couples get that gay couples dont. to all against gay marriage go mess up your own life and stay out of ours.

Ephrem Johnson   August 18th, 2010 8:03 pm ET

Every time I hear this subject come up I voice my opinion but I never get any feedback. My opinion on the subject is I don't care if two people of the same sex fall for each other. Changing the law to accomidate them is something else. The word of god says no to same says no to same sex. Now I could be wrong and I'm not afraid to admit it but I've heard nothing but word of mouth to support same sex anything. Everybody has an opinion but where's their evidence. " I was born gay?" Com'on! Where's the evidence? Gay is a choice until some evidence to support the claim is brought forth. Again, I don't have a problem admitting I was wrong but show me something.

Scott Stodden   August 18th, 2010 9:20 pm ET

I Love Kathy So Much Even Though She Is As Controversial As She Is But I Love Her For Supporting Gay Marriage She Is A Gem!

Scott Stodden (Freeport,Illinois)

LacrosseMom(the real one)   August 18th, 2010 9:49 pm ET

Dear Marilyn,

"Sanctity of marriage"?????? Really??? We have a 50% divorce rate in our country. In a 2nd marriage the divorce rate is 75%! What sanctity?!

I am a Roman Catholic, Liberal, been married for 38 years, grandmother & mother. Gay marriage will not take away the sanctity of my marriage!
However, the way people give up on each other, divorce because.......waaah...... they are unhappy...... that's what really hurts the sanctity of marriage!

Christians have forgotten that IF they read the Four Gospels, Jesus, never talks about homosexuality IF this was SO abhorrent to God don't you think His Son would have mentioned it?

Peace be with you........... hate and intolerance are not Christian values.

Kim   August 18th, 2010 10:45 pm ET

I want to applaud Kathy Griffin on her open mindedness and the love that she shows the Gay Community.
I think to often in this country, religion is used to justify hate. Didn't the Bible say love one another?
I agree that Hate and Intolerance are not Christian values.
Isn't this country supposed to support diversity-look at all the types of people we have living here, are we to become one of those nations who start killing others because someone doesn't believe the same way we do?

Erika   August 19th, 2010 1:27 am ET

Marriage is not a human right, its a societal expectation. It is, from the government's point of view, a business contract. It is a means to both gain money from (in the form of taxes as some married couples pay higher taxes if they file jointly vs. separately) and to protect those who enter into that marriage. Throughout history, people were married off to gain land and even countries. And it is even a business contract in the Bible, as the wife is not an equal, but her husband's property. So Marilyn, we NEED to get married to be afforded any and all protections that a heterosexual couple is afforded under the law, for ourselves and for our families. We NEED to get married so our employers will recognize our relationship and treat our spouses as they would any other couple. We NEED to get married because we are citizens of this country, follow its laws and contribute to our communities as much or as little as everyone else does and in such, deserve to be treated as everyone else does. And most importantly, to Marilyn and those who share her views, we NEED to get married because that is what people in this country, and in this world, do to proclaim their love for one another and have it recognized. Because no matter how you see marriage, either as a religious or business coupling, whether same-sex or heterosexual, it should be entered into out of love and commitment to each other. We in the LGBTQ community love just as strongly, just as deeply, as anyone. And no one should have the right to deem our relationships as unacceptable, nor should anyone be allowed to deny us what everyone else takes for granted.

Jessie from Auckland, NZ   August 20th, 2010 3:25 am ET

Good Lord, what next!

Jessie from Auckland, NZ   August 20th, 2010 3:41 am ET

Don't forget to keep those rose-tinted glasses on.

Jessie from Auckland, NZ   August 20th, 2010 3:45 am ET

Maybe they do not want to appear different to anybodyelse.

li   August 21st, 2010 10:01 pm ET

I feel offended that "they" want same rights as a Marriage people.
Homosexual should not be Married, "they" want to throw away all values of married people...
They can live together.... find ANOTHER word for they relationship. but NOT MARRIAGE

Veronica   August 21st, 2010 10:19 pm ET

The thing that bothers me with same sex marriage, is people comparing it to black people and civil rights. Let me tell you, I am from the south and when homosexual people rights are taken away, such as eating in the same places as other people, drinking from the same water fountain as other people, using thesame rest room as other people, sitting in the back of the bus, hung from a tree, getting burned alived, spit on, beat up by officers just because the color of your skin, etc..... ( if you don't know the etc. then google the civil rights movement) . Please compare gay marriage to something else because it is not EVEN CLOSE in comparison!

seleeta   August 22nd, 2010 1:55 am ET

No one thinks about how man would cease to exist if the gay lifestyle was the only way to exist. The purpose of marriage was to procreate and to have a family to replenish the earth. The entire animal and plant kingdom works on the male and female system. If you don't have a male fertilizing a female it would basically end mankind. Do you see the invalidness of the gay thought. Gays should have legalized relationship with the benefits that go along with a long partnerships, NOT marriage They are humans and some very talented are wonderful and gifted people. (I personally think are tricked mentally just like some heterosexuals tricked with problems.)
Just think about gay couples having to contribute to test tubes if there were no heterosexuals. What's next beastology? It's their right, they purchased the animal, they own the animal and can do with them what they want, it's their religion, where does it end? The bible implies it is wrong, i.e. Colossians 3:5. Remember, God does love gays, repent and ask God/Jesus to come into your heart!

Bonnie   August 23rd, 2010 11:21 am ET

Hurray for Kathy G!! Thank you for saying what needs to be said about same-sex marriage. I'm heterosexual and have been married for 37 years to my wonderful soul mate. I want to see that same legal, civil right afforded to every living soul – to be able to be legally married to the person they love. It's that simple.

While some may believe that the same rights are given to homosexual partners just living together, nothing could be farther from the truth. For example, if one person is in the hospital dying, their partner is not legally allowed to make decisions about health care, unless they have gone through the process of health care surrogacy or Power of Attorney. Partners cannot add each other to their health care plans through employers the way legally married couples can. The list goes on and on.

As Kathy stated, this is a civil issue and NOT a religious issue. Period. Religion has no place in this argument. It's about the civil right of every citizen to marry the person of their choice. It's so simple, it boggles the mind that it has become so incredibly convoluted by the "religious right". For the record, I'm also a Christian. I don't believe for one moment that God's love is denied to anyone who seeks it.

In my lifetime I've also seen mixed-race marriage finally made legal. I've gratefully seen the "white only" signs come down from water fountains and restrooms. I've seen women finally given the right to choose, after losing a dear friend to a botched back alley abortion when I was 18. I've had rocks thrown at me and horrible things shouted at me for simply walking down the street with my black friend when I was a teenager.

Change comes slowly, but with persistence and the continued determination for things to be made right, change does eventually come. It's painfully slow, but I truly hope that also in my lifetime I will be able to attend the wedding of dear same-sex friends who want to share their legal joy.

We must all wake up and realize we are all equal under the law, and finally start to administer our laws the way they are intended – for ALL citizens.

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