August 4, 2010

LKL: Should you let your man cheat?

Posted: 08:12 AM ET
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Taylor   August 4th, 2010 8:37 am ET

The women who believe it is ok to let your man cheat are seriously disturbed! Do they even have a man? Or if they do, do they even like them? Because they only way a woman would be ok with their man cheating is if they couldn't care less about them. This is such a ridiculous thing to put on the news. There's much more important issues going on in the world than whether or not you should let your boyfriend, fiance, or husband cheat. What nonsense!

Quincy G   August 4th, 2010 9:14 am ET

Who booked these 2 bimbos on LKL? I'm not buying what they're selling. Ali and Bethany were the 2 voices of reason last night.
Both of these nutjobs have seriously flawed morals.
It must have been a slow news day yesterday!
All husbands cheat on their wives??? Give me a friggin break. I've been married for 25 years. We have been 100% faithful to each other. I am positive of this. Bethany is right. Marriage vows are sacred. Infidelity can never be justified.

Nancy ( Man's Best Friend)   August 4th, 2010 10:31 am ET

100% of men???Is this factual?? Granted a large % of men and 'women' may cheat and/or fantasize But fantasizing , unless it becomes an addiction ' is normal.I am celebrating my 22nd weeding anniversary this week and I will agree marriage takes a lot of work. Love you Babe!!! But I know many man that would consider their wive's feelings, their children and the lives they have built together before risking it all for a moment of pleasure. Give some men credit for have a brain and a heart. I was livid when I heard the two of them insist that the men are chasing after them. Holly...Sara... Here's reality:
Scenario 1 : A male friend of mine talks to me about how his wife does not please him sexually b/c there are certain things she won't do. a friend helps him thru this. If I would say... " I think that's awful, a man should be pleasured all the time. I promise you the night of your life. I promise to fulfill all those fantasies and I will...I will ( heavy sigh)only stop when you tell me to. Take a reality pill darling. He doesn't want you, he wants your service. Scenario # 2 : A woman tells her male friend that her husband never talks to her and never tells her how beautiful she is. A friend will console her and persuade her to talk to her husband. Or a random guy says " You are one of the most beatiful women I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. You are smart, sexy and the best wife a man could ask for. Your husband has no idea how lucky he is. Hook , line and sinker boys...she's yours. You are both chasing each other. He comes to you with 'one' need . You offer to fulfill it...Do the math. So never ever say 100% , no one listens to anything else after that. Don't tell other women how to keep their men happy til you have one of your own.....forever.... I do agree you should discuss fantasies but realistic ones. The fact that these men continue to 'pursue' you as you say is not a compliment dear girls. The biggest compliment a man could give you is to say "I do" I do choose you forever. I am a hot, desirable and intelligent woman in my 40's with a career so here's my challenge for both Holly and Sarah. I challenge you to find one man, marry him forever and keep him happy ( completely happy) forever and then....only then could you or should you go on a show telling us wives how to keep our men happy. Til then don't brag about what you do ... a good look in the mirror .....You want sympathy. You made your bed, you 'LAY' in it

Robert W.   August 4th, 2010 11:35 am ET

Four women talking about whether it is ok to let your spouse cheat on you. The only one that says it is ok is the attractive lady who looks like she is 17. Wonder why they did not have someone at grandmother or great grandmother age in this discussion. Wisdom comes for most people with age and life experience. The claim that it is natural makes it ok is simple ridicules to me. We are not dogs and should act like people. If this is old fashioned it is because this has been tested down through the ages as the best for all concerned. Suddenly people want to reinvent the rules of relationship. Work on the wheel and fire while you're at it.

Matt   August 4th, 2010 11:58 am ET

First off, who cares what Bethany Frankel says, since when is she the pinnicle of morals and what is right and wrong? Seriously she is a reality tv person. Wake up people, be accountable for yourself and do what you think is right. In my opinion(which is just that) no I do not believe you should cheat. If you care about a person and are in a trusting relationship, you DONT cheat period. If you want something different move on and dont hurt the person you say you care about. Keep yourself out of a cheating situation and it wont happen. Its just common sense.

men are not supposed to be with one woman   August 4th, 2010 12:29 pm ET

The Aussie girl had it right. Men are men.. Women will come up with all kinds of excuses but the truth is that men will always seek the other. deal with it.

David   August 4th, 2010 12:38 pm ET

As soon as I saw that everyone in the discussion were women, I pretty much did not take the discussion seriously. We leave in a world where everyone wants to be equal but continue down the same path as we always have, us versus them. There has been a huge role reversal over the past decade and in my experience, it seems as if there is a new generation of women who are following the same footsteps as generation of men before them. Discussion like this can be more meaningful and realistic if we just drop the man versus woman mentality.

Now I must admit, the girl advocating the negotiating got me thinking, are relationships becoming disposable like everything else in this society? Generation 'Y' is grown up (per age) and out there and they lead with this "Everyone is a winner, nobody loses", "I want it and I want it now" and "I want it all" mentality. I would like to agree that relationship intimacy should be sacred but I think, or see, that even that is being redefined in this new age. Too many people lack the control of "doing" as they "say" in this new society. This new society is being driven entirely by external input as opposed to from within. I used to think people were afraid of who and what they were but I realize they aren't even that far yet. Maybe this is the reason why web sites like facebook and myspace do so well. It allows people to stay too well connected and not face those moments of loneliness where in my opinion is when you begin to look in the mirror and define yourself.

Jeremy   August 4th, 2010 1:26 pm ET

I do think it was a disservice to the discussion to not have any men involved. What do men want? And what do women want?
The negotiating is where we meet in the middle. Marriage vows ARE
a negotiation of what 2 people will strive to live up to as their moral code.
Are they unrealistic and outdated? Divorce statistics might suggest they are. Not sure, but It's a great question that I think
many are deathly afraid to tackle because it implicates their upbringing, their fairy tales and their religious backgrounds.

I would love to return to a scientific study or even a simple opinion survey of men on this issue, and see what our results are.
For my part, I am so drawn toward the idea of being with one woman.
However, I struggle daily with my own biology that reveals I desire more. Does this make me a sub-par man and a creep because I recognize my hungers and sometimes lose the fight to continually dine only at one restaurant (a restaurant I truly love)? Is it social conditioning or a fallen nature? Oh boy, there's a lot to tackle on this issue, and clearly men need to be involved in a discussion that has so much to do with them.

Cheers 🙂

DONALD   August 4th, 2010 2:09 pm ET


Sandra   August 4th, 2010 3:22 pm ET

No. It means you are in the wrong relationship and need to move on. Seems like that's the new way to break it to your spouse that you just aren't into this relationship anymore.

Multiple partners just expose already vulnerable partners (emotionally vulnerable?) to diseases and such that they really shouldn't be involved in.

Take care of your own self and your emotional well being. Set some personal rules for yourself. You will be glad you did. Too many people don't believe they are good enough or that they will be loved. Protect yourself from that mess, and you will probably do just fine.

CZ   August 4th, 2010 3:36 pm ET

The worst Larry King show. The guests in the first half were awful and not up to the Larry King standard of being quality guests. The host was not good throughout the entire show. Very disappointing.

robert b   August 4th, 2010 4:03 pm ET

I totally agree that cheating is reprehensible, but not for the reasons stated here in this forum. I believe that the man should be open and honest prior to marriage that he not only enjoys plural relationships, but requires it as a precondition to marriage. If the future wife accepts these conditions and elects to still get married then the obligation of that man is to support all those women equally, completely and openly amongst all. In this regard there is no cheating it is an accepted plural relationship. The idea of monogamy is passé with more than 50% of relationships ending in divorce and a substantial greater number of single women vs men, why shouldn’t committed plural relationships be tried.
Plural relationships empower women. The women choose to participate. The women choose to terminate. The women mandate financial protection because the only way that a plural relationship is consummated is through open and honest communication and that includes financial obligations.
Cheating on the other hand empowers the man. It allows them to maintain multiple relationships on merely a promise and as detailed in the show those promises are as good as a rubber check.

Kim   August 4th, 2010 4:18 pm ET

Really, we are no more than our biology here? I believe every person has a soul and a mind that masters our biology. So what if men are driven by a sexual nature. That doesn't mean we just give in and do what feels good while tearing up their relationships and never developing any moral character or wisdom. Frankly, Holly I see a lot of people doing it right from every day or into decades in marriage but that doesn't get the media's attention. If you are a man struggling with thoughts of infidelity talk to your spouse about it or a man of godly character about it before you do something completely stupid and tear up what's most important to you. There is hope and things can be worked out. The "me" society is lowering our standards and leading us to settle for what is self-serving and fleeting. Beware of selfish people. They are the root of evil!

Carol   August 4th, 2010 6:18 pm ET

I would have preferred a different host although I'm sure she is a lovely person, and I know she is married to George S. whom I like. The only part of the show I enjoyed was Bethenny Frankel who managed to be interesting, genuine and smart in this otherwise odd group of women who made watching the show uncomfortable. No, I don't know BF and I'm a thousand miles from NY. I just admire her style and openness. More Bethenny.

RoninMD   August 4th, 2010 7:11 pm ET

The way things are today, women no longer honor the contract that obliges them to obey their husbands; therefore, the institution of marriage, a vestige of the industrial age/nuclear age, is obsolete.

Not only that, wives will withhold sex as a form of punishment. This is cruel and is no wonder why men seek intimate relations with another woman.

The institution of marriage gives all men the responsibility of marriage without the pleasures of having a good woman at his side; therefore there is no reason why the average male will want to jump at getting married.

Since this contract of marriage is no longer working correctly as it should for this generation, it is fitting that the avante guard negotiate partnership rights.

Cheating is natural and especially acceptable if the man's sexual and intellectual needs are not getting met.

Cajazz76:24:8   August 4th, 2010 8:20 pm ET

While men may be curious to think outside a single box to play with many...women aren't confined to the music they make on a single flute..and often join an orchestra...caj

anthony   August 4th, 2010 11:32 pm ET

Marriage is a bond that unites two people as one,and for either party to allow cheating to take place within the relationship certainly does not say much for the morality,and sanctuary of marriage...........The question is why even make vows?Once the bond is broken,chances are separation is just a matter time.....Many homes,and innocent children are the ones who end up suffering for the sins of the parents.........The guest, obviously is more committed to the sales of her books than the man she married.......I don't doubt, in his mind he scored the jack pot.........maybe one day bring home a deadly virus.....

Gerald Jolly   August 5th, 2010 5:27 am ET

Here is thhe problem folks.

If a woman allows her husband to cheat, will the man in turn allow her to cheat??

In the culture of todays world the most recent poles tell us that on average only one woman in ten cheats out of every cheating relationship, while four men out of ten cheat on their wife.

If one agrees that it's O.K. to cheat in a marriage, then men must accord the same to their wife.


Jessie from Auckland, NZ   August 5th, 2010 8:00 am ET

I don't like that question. What woman in her right mind would let her man cheat, lol. Unless it is an open marriage, which wouldn't be a marriage anymore.

A marriage is forsaking all others. It is between one man and one woman and is a commitment. If you want to be in a relationship then stay true to one another. Otherwise forget it. We all have to fight against temptations.

Promiscuity is epidemic in our Societies today and causes a lot of heartache and problems, etc. It is just not worth it.

Ted   August 5th, 2010 10:18 am ET

@ cajazz

You are funny, again!

jojo   August 6th, 2010 8:45 pm ET

For all the women who think its o.k. to let their man cheat deserve to get STD'S themselves. This belief is so immoral and puts us faithful women at risk: emotionally and physically. Once you are cheated on, there is no turning back the clock. The damage has been done and the word Trust will NEVER exist in that relationship. Just remember ladies and gentlemen, God is always watching you. Thou shall not commit adultry.

roRO   August 27th, 2010 8:58 am ET

Cheaters are liers.If you found him cheating on you try to act like its all right.Be smart.Neverever yell at him.That makes him be scared & he will keep cheating in different way s so u cannot catch him.In order to make a good decision, be relaxed so he can feel free to express what he likes & u can understand what he is up to.Then u can get to find out about what he really thinks.Otherwise they keep irritating you .When your questions about your personal life were replied then u can live with a cheater and be relaxed or just leave him.DO NOT YELL AT HIM IF U FELT LIKE HE IS HIDING THINGS .PRENTEND THAT YOU ARE OK WITH ANYTHING HE DOES UNTILL U CAN BE CERTAIN ABOUT EVERYTHING IN ORDER TO MAKE A DECISION,OTHERWISE HE WILL WASTE UR TIME & RUIN UR LIFE FOR YEARS BECAUSE HE IS AFRAID OF TELLING THE TRUTH.

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