April 12, 2010

Adopted boy from Russia sent back; What do you think?

Posted: 12:08 PM ET

This is a story we're going to be discussing on tonight's show.  We're interested to know what you think, and if you have any personal adoption stories you'd want to share with us.

A 7-year-old Russian boy adopted by an American family last year was put on a return flight to Moscow this week because of violent and psychotic behavior, according to a Tennessee grandmother.

The child showed up unannounced at Russia's child protection ministry Thursday, triggering an international investigation.

Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov told a Russian TV channel on Friday that his country has banned future adoptions by Americans until the United States signs a new agreement to regulate them.

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Filed under: Adoption • International • Larry King Live

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marc   April 12th, 2010 12:14 pm ET

Aren't "satisfaction guaranteed" and "free trial" pilars of the modern american society?

Katie Dillhoff   April 12th, 2010 1:20 pm ET

I believe an adopted child should be able to be brough back to the adoption agency. How ever it should be done in a way that is safe and healthy for the child. Even if the child has mental issues, and the steps are hard for the parent. Throwing a child on an airplane alone with a note is not safe or healthy for the child. If going through the proper steps to have a child returned to the agency he was adopted from is too difficult, there are places any parent could go to for help with unwanted children; such as any public police station or hospital.

Chris   April 12th, 2010 1:53 pm ET

I agree with JD. Why not diversify more with your topics. Jim Cramer, and others from CNBC would be a great idea. Suze Orman not so much as she has been on a lot and really speaks more to the individual managing his/her money and is not an expert on economic issues.
Also, perhaps you could ask someone to explain the federal income tax system for the ordinary person, as there are many people posting on LKL who are not aware that 50% of the population basically pay no taxes, as they continue to want the other 50% to pay more and more.

mcmargie   April 12th, 2010 2:34 pm ET

When you adopt a child it is not on a trial bases. You made a commit to be their parent. You do not give children back like you are returning a piece of merchandize to the store. If you have issues within the child -seek a therapist. In this case, the child said his hair was repeatedly pulled by the mother so there are obvious anger issues and discipline issues with her as well. They all needed therapy.

Lisa S   April 12th, 2010 2:59 pm ET

People who think that a child can be "sent back" somewhere should never be allowed to adopt. Adopting a child is accepting what ever gifts the child is commingwith, what ever happiness he/she will share but also accepting that a child who has lived elsewhere and particulary in anohte culture will have an unknown baggage with them. Adopting a child is not buying a dog, or even having your own child. Adopting a child means learning to know an individual that is already shaped by other people than you and it will take more time an effort than having your own child and starting from scratch.

This is letting a child down!

Wonder what these people would do if they have a child of their own that was violent or had any kind of problems. Where would they send them back to..?

vivian c godley   April 12th, 2010 3:32 pm ET

I think it is truly unfair to blame the adopted parents.The adopted parents ask for a normal child and the adopted agency gave them a child with mental problems.A similiar situation happen in my family.However it did end with a happy ending it did take years to correct.

steamedinus   April 12th, 2010 3:33 pm ET

I think she has all rights to send child home.
she was miss led by a third world adoption service ponning off there unadoptable on US familys.
Yes she went about it the wrong way. In california you can go to any hospital or firestation and turn child over to cps
why are we in the US adopting children from other countrys when we have US children in foster care and in need of adoption here,.
Why, because we care what kind of family we place a child to. they couldnt pass a backround so they turned to some holy roller church that played on their emotions that they need to adopt these children from other countrys . Russia and chille and Haiti are playing on the poor me card .
we should look at home and adopt here in the US and stop sending money and other services to these countrys.
I hope russia does put and end of these adoptions till we find out that these adoption services have the same quaity standards and disclosers we have here in the US.

pat davis   April 12th, 2010 3:37 pm ET

This is disgusting. When you adopt a child you know you're taking a chance with a child that may have mental issues. But to put the child on a plane by himself.....That's enough to cause mental issues! This family is not a family that needs to adopt. Instead of trying to seek therapy for the child and as a family they sent him back.....ALONE. They put that childs LIFE in jeopardy. There has to be some type of repercussion for their wreckless behavior.

Smith360   April 12th, 2010 3:39 pm ET

I find it entirely likely this child had been previously found to be 'hard to place' into a prospective adoptive family there in Russia. Although it wasn't reported on if the child simply didn't want to leave Russia, I suspect this child had deep emotional scars which were previously reported and known by this child's previous foster care providers.

Cajazz76:24:8   April 12th, 2010 4:00 pm ET

If a potential adopter goes outside the U.S. to acquire a child, the U.S. Immigration & Naturalization Service should, as a matter of law, be made aware that intent. At that time the adopter should be required by law to become 100% responsible, if they return to the U.S. with an adopted child in arms. All immigration and adoption papers should be deemed legal and adoptions final prior to entry in to the U.S. It would be a no return policy on any adopted child to be returned to their country of origin, unless there is a legal ruling in international court or the child reaches the age of consent and returns at their own volition.

SRL in PA   April 12th, 2010 4:06 pm ET

This is no different than what's going on right here in the U.S. I took in 2 girls that were adopted by a couple, girls were separated, and put back into the foster system at a young age. Nothing was done by U.S. officials! Why do we allow adoptions that have no accountability and no repercussions for actions right here in our OWN country!?
We have more CPS involvement for low income families than we have for high-dollar adoption follow-up.

LA   April 12th, 2010 4:09 pm ET

What this "mother" did was terrible. She obviously was completely unprepared for parenting. Her mother helping her to abandon this child makes it even more disturbing. Given they were able to get him alone on a flight to Moscow and to arrange for someone to meet him in Moscow they should have been intelligent enough to find support to parent him.

However, the adoption agency that assisted this woman to adopt the child bears a huge amount of the blame. With Russian adoption there are post placement reviews at 3 and 6 months. For the social worker conducting the reviews to not know there were serious issues and to not assist is inexcusable. The agency should have its license for facilitating adoptions revoked for Russia as well as any other countries it is licensed to practice in.

It's sad, but even most of the "best" adoption agencies do not provide the support they should post adoption. There is no financial incentive for them to do so. Families are left to seek out doctors and other providers, and to lean on family and friends, to help get through the adjustment period and to help reinforce that things will get better. Children who spend time in an orphanage or in an abusive home do have special needs and it's critical that parents are educated and have the support to work through and adjust.

Dodie   April 12th, 2010 4:14 pm ET

The emotional trauma connected with any adoption procedure alone is horrific for the child. But then to have a “double whammy” in which the child is placed on the plane and shipped back to Russia like some “cargo” is outrageous. My only hope is that a law will be enacted in which parents of this stature will be held accountable for their terrible behavior. This is NOT a sack of potatoes to be returned to the vender. This is a child, a human being! The trauma to this child being cast out by these adopted parents is like none other. I certainly hope these parents will never meet eligibility for adoption again.

Dodie   April 12th, 2010 4:21 pm ET

Because adoption is extremely traumatic for children, they often act out, testing their "new" parents. This is common knowledge and hopefully any adopting parents are aware of this phenomenon. This is not rocket science… this is basic psychology 101.

angela   April 12th, 2010 4:32 pm ET

This is unfortunate. However, there are TWO sides to every story. It's a well know fact that many children from Russian orphanages lack the basics like human touch and affection in addition to many having Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. This poor child didn't ask for the hand of cards he/she was dealt. It seems there was likely not a full disclosure of what any potential adoptive parents would be in for or up against with adopting this child.

I know people here in the States who have adopted from Russia and made multiple trips prior to bringing the children home to spend time with them, to bond with them and to make sure the children where indeed everything the adoption agency said.

This is an unfortunate circumstance.

Wolfgang, Vienna Austria   April 12th, 2010 4:54 pm ET

An adopted child should be considered as ones own child.

You can not give back your own child, even its evil

tony Barbosa Vicente   April 12th, 2010 5:01 pm ET

Well, I feel sorry for this kid anyway. Here in USA we have better places that can treat this kind of problem. And could be better protected also.

Raychil   April 12th, 2010 5:02 pm ET

she shouldn't have sent him back alone.

And surprise your natural children can be a handful as well. The mere fact that she had to go to Russia to adopt lets me know she may not have been the best equipped for parenting.

Why didn't she adopt here in the US? There are lots of older kids available. Sounds fishty to me.

Carolyn Browning   April 12th, 2010 5:03 pm ET

My husband and I adopted a 6 year old boy from the State of Texas back in 1991. In our case, we had a little boy with lots of emotional problems, but we were not going to return him no matter what. The state told us that a "failed adoption" was one of the worse things that can happen. We took a ten week class through the state of Texas for adoptive parents of foster children. We knew what we were getting in to and we were very determined. We had him in counseling and therapy continuously. He is 25 now and even though he still struggles he is going to be OK. I love him with all my heart and I have no regrets at all! I wish people would not judge people who adopt, they want it to work or they would not have done it to begin with. But there are circustances in which the child has such severe problems that they are a danger to themselves and to their adoptive family. I completely understand both sides to this story and I believe no one is to blame except the birth family.

Trish Sissons   April 12th, 2010 5:08 pm ET

If there are mental issues with a child, you don't just put it on a plane and ship it back to wherever you got it from. You contact psychiatrists to talk with your child. Perhaps an English and Russian bilingual councellor to talk with the child. If all else fails, contact the agency before you just book the child to show up on the doorstep. Highly irresponsible and poorly handled on the part of the family from Tennessee.

Gerald Jolly   April 12th, 2010 5:32 pm ET

Is it any wonder why we American ordinary folks are so dispised all over most of the world.

What person in their right mind would put a child "ANY CHILD" on board of an aircraft without a care giving adult and allow that child to fare for himself and then winde-up back in his own country only to be returned to the country's child care authorities.

The people responsible for that atrocity deserve to be severely punished and spend at least ten years in prison and be responsible for the financial upkeep of that child until he reaches marurity.

The CALUS act of these American A-HOLES reflects very badly on our society and our morality.

Under no circumstances should these TRASHY A-HOLES ever be able to adopt a child from any country as well as the U.S.

GUTTER TRASH, is to kind a word to call them.

Gerald Jolly   April 12th, 2010 5:40 pm ET

@ Vivian C God???ley

Please tell me how you got the inside information that this boy was a misfit and disfunctional??

It's people like you and all those "BLEEDING HEART" jerks out there that perpetrate the most grevious of inuendo about this kind of issue, by pretending that you are experts on the subject.

Even children born to their own parents often turn out unsatisfactory.

Just look at the more than 4.5 million of those kind of children that grew up to become adults and are now being kept in our prisons.

Sons and daughters of folks born in America by American parents.

Please explain to me how that could have happened "EXPERT"????

Shari   April 12th, 2010 6:09 pm ET

We are in the process of leaving to Russia to meet our 6 year old daughter in less than 10 days. We have a son that is from Ukraine and was adopted at the age of 2 in 2005.

Anyone can have a child but in order to adopt is a different story. Each couple is thoroughly investigated from start to finish for each adoption. Every couple who is going through a reputable adoption agency is trained on how to deal with different situations in case they do arise when the child arrives. This is usually done in the homestudy. When our son arrived from Ukraine he was literally starving and would cry as I prepared food for him. He also had two surgeries in the first 4 months he was here. The problems that these children suffer from our heart breaking. He is now 7 and is 38 pounds. He is doing fine academically but it took time for that to happen too.

We know of a family who adopted a 7 year old boy from Ukraine and had returned him after trying to put him in special needs foster care. They returned the boy also to them so they brought him back to Ukraine and left him at a mental hospital. The boy had broke his sisters ankles, killed pets, drove pitchforks through farm animals and tried poisoning his family. He was later discovered by a missionary in Ukraine and brought back to the US. He now lives in a group home 3 hours from his family who adopted him. The couple ended up divorcing because of this. Sometimes good people adopt bad kids.

There are probably a 100 bad adoptions in the 50,000+ kids adopted from overseas in the past 5 years. It would be awful to shut down adoptions for a failed situation.

Diane McV   April 12th, 2010 6:18 pm ET

Hello Larry-
I am glad you will be discussing this issue tonight. My husband and I have two adopted children from Russia, so I speak from the experience-not ignorance as some of your readers have done. Everyone's adoption story is unique, but usually the case is that the parents have had trouble conceiving, have tried invitro or other procedures, and then eventually end up just realizing the bottom line: we want a child to love and raise and care for as our own. Once we adopted our children they were ours-we would do anything to keep them healthy and protected. We knew that we might face challenges, and we were prepared to do whatever it took to care for them-including taking them to doctors/specialists-which we did. We do not, not does anyone else, have the "right" to return their adopted child. They are legally responsible-for better or worse. Check your documents! For anyone to even think for a minute that this might be acceptable is sickening.
Russian adoptions are not inexpensive. We spent over $35,000 (for each child) . We took out a first and then a second mortgage-because we wanted two children (I wish we could afford more!). We researched agencies and got many references and used an accredited adoption agency (International Children's Alliance).
This story makes it sound like you are "purchasing" a child. Once we arrived in Russia we knew exactly where our money was going. Our agency was superb! The Russians do not make adoptions "easy" for a reason-they want to be sure that their children are being sent to safe, loving homes. We had to have a proper dosier and an in depth home study. They took good care of the children and tried to give us accurate medical information. In Russia a mother may sign away her rights with very little information, and so it is often hard for anyone to be SURE that a child is healthy. I am not quick to believe that this was done with prior knowledge, or "on purpose".
In the US there may be a large foster system, but they are not any more likely to be healthy than children from another country. If you choose to go to Russia you need to accept that your child will need post adoption care. Bonding will obviously take time, and we were made well aware of this aspect of the adoption. This poor seven year old child who had been used to living in an orphanage would have needed extensive post adoption bonding exercises and plenty of love and patience. Duh! This family is repulsive-to return a child is unimaginable. Now they may have ruined our already challenged relationship with Russian adoption officials. Shame on this mother and grandmother. They should take their other precious children who were supposedly put in harms way-prove it! Let's get to the bottom of this story, and apologize to Russia for letting such and ignorant family adopt one of their precious children. I for one and very sorry for this little boy and we would welcome him into our family! 🙂

angie   April 12th, 2010 6:20 pm ET

This happens every day in America. I was eight years old when I was adopted. At fifteen I was put back in the foster care system. To this day i still have no idea why. I loved my adopted parents very much, they got devorced and then started there own families,I quess I wasnt part of the new plan. Why is this just now a big deal? What about all the kids in America that this happens to every single day?

izziedarling   April 12th, 2010 6:41 pm ET

I think it is interesting that we hear of so many problems with children adopted from Russia and very few if any about Chinese adoptions. This specific situation was not handled well in any sense of the word.

Cynthia   April 12th, 2010 6:42 pm ET

Just curious if this woman gave birth o a child who had some issues where would she send that child?? Only allow people to adopt who can handle situations. You wanted the child seek help for it then!

lola   April 12th, 2010 6:46 pm ET

There are ALWAYS 2 sides to every story..........
If I felt a child that I recently adopted was a threat to harm, possibly kill other children living in my home, I would make other arrangements for that child. No child should live in fear and the children already living in the home takes precedent over a new adoption. It is very easy to point a finger and judge others. Don't judge until you walk in their shoes.

lola   April 12th, 2010 6:50 pm ET

Gerald Jolly,
How many children have you saved from orphanages? What have you done to help children around the world? or even your own? Don't be so quick to judge others without knowing the WHOLE story.

KC   April 12th, 2010 6:53 pm ET

I adopted a child from Russia and am heartbroken over this situation. Prior to adopting my son, I was given extensive information on what problems may arrise and was fully prepared should there be difficulties in transition. The Russian Ministry of Education only allow adoptions though accredited US adoption agencies who comply with their requirements which are extensive. Even after the adoption is completed there are follow up reports required, the first due within a few weeks of bringing your child home. Then at 6 months, 1 year, 2 years and 3 years. If there were problems the family should have contacted the adoption agency and requested help. There is no excuse, no justification for what this family did.

Children are not merchandise to be returned if they don't fit. My son is the light of my life and I adore him but it has not been easy. Being a parent is hard work and that is true no matter the circumstances in which your child came into your life. My son is no less my child because I did not give birth to him.

This 7 year old little boy was crying out for love, attention and validation and it is a terrible shame that his parents failed him.

I'm so sorry for all those adoptive families now in limbo because of this and I hope that the Russian Ministry of Education reopens adoptions soon so that qualified adoptive families are not further punished for the actions of these irresponsible and heartless people.

FL mom   April 12th, 2010 7:27 pm ET

I see few comments so far from people who have actually adopted a child from another country. It's easy to have an opinion regarding something with which you have no personal experience. I have a 14-year old who I adopted from Romania at the age of four. We've dealt with many issues over the years, some that have been influenced largely by the fact that she spent her first three years in an orphanage, and many that are a part of raising any teen. Having adopted myself, I also have met many other adoptive parents, all with varying stories, some horrific, some truly amazing. Fact is, you can read all you want before adopting and do all you can to be prepared, but somethings you just can't prepare for. People who adopt go through a whole lot on that long journey and I can assure you that no one thinks they will ever have to make a decision about returning a child. It's easy for some to say that when you adopt, you make a commitment and you better stick with it. Although my daughter has presented numerous challenges, I am blessed that there haven't been any I couldn't deal with over time. My heart goes out to the mother and to the boy, who probably can't control his behavior and may be paying the price for an alcoholic birth-mother, abusive or overworked orphanage caretakers, or who knows what.

The mother should have made every effort to work things out with the agency she adopted through, but she may have, we don't know. Please don't pass judgment on this mother or make assumptions about a situation where there is obviously more to the story than you'll ever know.

Janey Trade   April 12th, 2010 7:47 pm ET

As I sent an e-mail to CNN earlier...."Do not be so quick to judge this mother. As a former adoptive mother and a foster parent for many years, sometimes these children have already been beat up by the system and unfortunately need to be institutionialized. I am really questioning if the Russian Adoptive Agency did not know the real story behind this little boy and saw a chance to let's say...."dumb the boy on the US," leaving this hopeful adoptive mother questioning whether she will ever be a good mother to someone again....I say "unfortunate for her." And I would add one more thing.....since the Russian's want to make this a political thing....."let's tell them we cannot take on the liability of their children that they don't want to deal with. Respectfully,

dancingirja   April 12th, 2010 8:14 pm ET

I have mixed feelings about this. Of course it's a terrible thing, adoption shouldn't be on a trial basis! Then again, when someone actually does it, then maybe they shouldn't be parenting the child and are doing something for the best of it (although the agenda is different). So to me, it seems to be more about the whole system, having routines about who can adopt or not etc.

Dodie   April 12th, 2010 8:39 pm ET

I have a great amount of admiration for any family who makes the decision to adopt! All adoptions are difficult. Very traumatic for the child and difficult for the family who adopts. It is a life-long responsibility and you do not know genetically or environmentally what has happened to this child.

The only question I have is, with our own group homes (new word for orphanages) bulging at the seams with too many children needing to be adopted, why adopt from another country? Does anyone realize that many children in the USA are often returned to their sexually abusing, violent families because there is just no place to put these children?

E.Donohue, Rockaway   April 12th, 2010 8:56 pm ET

Russia is right, it is a monstrous thing and his adoptive mother is monsterous indeed. She adopted that beautiful little boy and he is her son. As a mother she is bound by the laws of which she may be quilty of abandonment and/or reckless endangerment amongst other violations of law., But, it is important to ntoe, that the young boy is an American Citizen and as such he is under the jurisdiction of the United States. Therefore Russia must return this boy to America and believe I don't know who wouldn't want to give this incredible boy a home. He could come to mine and he could be Damien for all I care. He needs to come back to the States where a better life awaits him.

cj   April 12th, 2010 9:05 pm ET

Either the parent is extremely gullible or extremely stupid! Children who are in foster care come with baggage and emotion and behavioral problems. You have to be patient and work with the children. That's not only for children from Russia, but our own children in the US! Why would she not try the US and foster a child to see what it is like before she makes such a big step? If it were her biological child would she take him/her to DSS and leave the child with a note at the agency and think there would be questions raised? That is called abandonment! She needs to be prosecuted! She was too much of a coward to even go back with the child and deliver him herself. He wasn't a mail order child!

Chris   April 12th, 2010 9:11 pm ET

Why would people adopt a child from a home in Russia or any other country instead of adopting a child from one of our own homes for children without parents? Perhaps someone could explain.

cj   April 12th, 2010 9:11 pm ET

If he is sent back, authorities can contact my agency and I will foster him. I have been a foster parent for 13 years. I enjoy every bit of it! I will work with him and get him some help, which I am sure he needs. What she did only added on to his emotional state.

Janet Dalgleish   April 12th, 2010 9:27 pm ET

You and the other news casts are missing the point with the child who's mother sent him back to Russia. No one has asked if the state of Tennesee has any truely effective mental health programs for children with severe and persistent mental illnesses. I adopted a child from India in 1988. Today my lovely caring and gentle child is 21 and is managing her mental illness with grace and lots of support.

I am well educated and persistent, but it took me 9 years of persistently asking questions trying out various resources before I found a social worker who recognized that we were a family in deep distress and recommended an in home therapist who was sent by an angel. She was tough, kind, and she did not blame me for not knowing what to do next. We became a team and solved problems one day at a time. She was also available to help me 24/7 for the moments when I just had no idea what to do. I was also connected to the medicaid system for children with disabilities. Medicaid provided my daughter with 15 hours a week with personal care attendants, who assist my child with bathing, relaxation exercises, and activities to keep my daughter more stable.

The personal care attendents are being cut with the state budget, she can get admitted to the hospital when needed. (as a child she had to be actively violent or dying from drug overdoses). I expect that the decrease in PCA hours will result in costly hospitalizations as she destabilizes but that is not too important to the budget keepers.

If I had not found help after my child tried to stab me and then tried to stop her pain by taking a handfull of every over the counter medication in the house, I am not sure what would have eventually happened.

Stop judging this mother who may not found any resources.

It is still tough to find medical helpl for mentally ill children.

Mom in Minneapolis

Kuuipo   April 12th, 2010 9:28 pm ET

The child not only threatened to burn down the house with the adoptive mother and grandmother in it. Then he was discovered setting fire to some papers in his room. He also had a hit list of people that he had threatened to kill. I can certainly understand why the adoptive family feared for their lives and needed an immediate solution. It was an intolerable situation. Had this been a teen or an adult, I'm sure he would have been arrested for arson. The adoptive mother and grandmother may not have handled the situation perfectly due to their fear, but I think many are judging them far too harshly.

Bill Wallace   April 12th, 2010 10:03 pm ET

Your guests blather on about mental health services, but no one will pay for them. Health Insurance rarely includes coverage for mental health and the state programs have so many gate keepers that it takes 6 months to get the first appoiintment.

thes folks need help now, not when they can afford it . Only the rich have access to the services these kids need. And yes Birth parents need these services too; only they do not have an adoption agency to blame or return the kid too.

Angie Hunt   April 12th, 2010 10:04 pm ET

Doesn't the airline have some responisibility in this? In the 70's when I worked for American Airlines, a child travelling alone was the responsibility of the airline once it was accepted onboard. I think the flight had to be non stop. Someone from the airline was responisble for the child till it was picked up at the other end. The child had to wear a special badge.
Who were these people sending the child to? Who was picking him up at the other end? Lot's of questions have not been answered here.
What airline did he fly on. How come they accepted a child travelling alone?

Bill Wallace   April 12th, 2010 10:07 pm ET

PS I have lived through this issue and my son has sorted it out with proper meds and school and home support

Nancy   April 12th, 2010 10:08 pm ET

This is not the first time a family has adopted from Russia and found out months or years later that the child is very violent .The adoption agencies in Russia know that these children are violent. They are not honest.They just want the kids out of the ophanages.Because they get filled up so fast. As for this boy ,he is seven { 7 } which means no one, even in Russia wanted him. We americans get sucked in very easy. He really frightened this family. I do not blame them for returning him. I think he may be a Bad Seed>>>>> A while back "People Magazine" did a story on this same subject...

Geraldine Noel   April 12th, 2010 10:27 pm ET

When I first heard the snippet about this story, I thought how callous, how terrible, how heartless..There is no excuse as to how this woman dealt with the situation – simply placing the boy on a plane, but upon further reading, I believe, you could be utterly terrified for the safety of other members of your family.

After all, aren't their instances in the 'Great Ole USA' where 10 yr old boys are tried as adults for murder?!?! An acusation that requires, as adults, forethought, intention, premeditation...

What is so absolutely sad, is the ignorance that these people had when adopting a child with a deprived background, without understanding, or knowledge as to what this particular child's experience was, what the effects that experience had on that child.

Children aren't Barbie dolls, you just don't pick them off the shelf at the age of 7 and expect everything will be alright..

Keeskee the sheep   April 12th, 2010 10:59 pm ET

I was so furious. Even if the child is troubled, sending him back like that will trouble him even more! That woman was obviously not ready to take up a child, what the hell children are not merchandise you can buy and return.

John   April 13th, 2010 12:20 am ET

Larry...Why can you not do a show about all the forgotten long time unemployed that will soon be on the streets or welfare?? A lot of them are the older workers. Over 50...I am 61 try getting a job at 61///and have worked since I was 16...Where is CNN on this. Oh Tiger Woods a better story..PLEASE

Phyllis   April 13th, 2010 1:45 am ET

The poor child already had trust issues. Now he will never trust anyone again.

marcus   April 13th, 2010 2:02 am ET

Americans should think about adopting in America there is more rescources and a whole lot less problems.

If anyone is to blame on this it's the adoption agency should of not lied about the problems.

nirmalblogger   April 13th, 2010 4:15 am ET

Mental issues of a child can be well treated in USA with any psychiatrist. I think the problem was with the parents mental illness than the child's. Sending a 7 year old on plane alone is always not the proper style to be performed. If they did not like the adoption, probably they could have directly landed in Russia to solve the issue. Adoption is not retailing to give back and take backs.

The parents should have prepared mentally before they did adoption. Russia's ban may also not be a better solution. The affected child would loose trust as "Phyllis" nicely quoted"The poor child already had trust issues. Now he will never trust anyone again."

Russia probably can ban any country people or have a psychometric test against anyone who would like to adopt a child.

There was a comment from "FL mom" pleading others not to make any judgment on this issue. Mothers are equivalent to god. They should be so patient & their patience should have been the medicine to the Russian boy's behavior problems(IF ANY).

donna   April 13th, 2010 4:18 am ET

I was just heart broken when I heard this story. No child should be treated that way. This child will be forever affected by this and I think the adopting parent should also be held accountable. do they ask the parent if the child has trouble adjusting, how would you handled it and other questions along those lines. Running kids in and out of homes is not acceptable, what kind of person is this adopitve to mother to have done such a thing...Apparently she's a nurse...if this is the way she handle's her job, her nursing license should be pulled. I was also surprised to hear that a number of children adopted from Russia to the United States have died in the custody of American's.

Hercolena   April 13th, 2010 4:51 am ET

When is society going to stop using chilren as pawns and start realising that he ideal environment for the child regardless of economic circumstances are with the natural parents?

Hercolena   April 13th, 2010 5:04 am ET

No doubt the child's behaviour was influenced by the separation from the natural parents who would be likely to get the blame shifted on them. This is inexcusable and reflects the trauma of imposed adoptions on children, not to mention the anguish of the natural parents who are not sufficiently regarded for having brought a child into the world to be taken over by those having various motivations. No wonder the abortion rate is so high considering these apaling welfare legislation pertaining to conditions and imposed circumstances. The reason why society is decaying is because government policy disregards the poor and do not consider arguments put forward either, leading to eventual withdrawal of interest and breaking of relations.

Jessie from Auckland, NZ   April 13th, 2010 5:29 am ET

I find this story quite disturbing and hard to believe. How could they have done this to a child. Unbelievable. They must have more the problem than the child. They should be punished for doing this.

Good on Russia for banning future adoptions until something is sorted out. These people have given America a very bad name. Shame on them.

Jessie from Auckland, NZ   April 13th, 2010 5:34 am ET

@Nancy April 12th, 2010 10:08 pm ET

Couldn't there have been a better way to have handled this case instead of the way in which they did it. They don't sound human to me.

Karen Smith   April 13th, 2010 6:28 am ET

My husband and I adopted a 7-year-old from Russia and had the same trouble. Fires in the house, chasing us with knives, threatening to kill us and trying twice to kill his little brother. No one knows how truly horrific parenting a disturbed kid can be. The worst part: These R.A.D. kids know how to be charming outside of the home. So the parents can't get anyone to believe them. I, too, wished I could have shipped him back to Russia. Instead we made him a ward of the state and he's locked up in an institution. But it took more than a year and many lawyers fees for people to believe us about his behavior. My heart goes out to the mother. She probably was at her wits' end and no one would believe her.

stopthesmell   April 13th, 2010 7:30 am ET

I think it is a very complicated matter and could not even imagine what it would be like to be in that situation, for the boy or the mother.

Lyle   April 13th, 2010 7:44 am ET

I just wanted to know what the airport policies in the USA are in reguards to young children flying alone any were including over sea?

D Beck   April 13th, 2010 7:50 am ET

When one decides to adopt a child, it is not like going to a boutique to shop for the cutest outfit and return it if you arrive home and the lighting makes it look unattractive on you.
A child is a commitment for life. A seven year old child has already been traumatized because he hasn't had the opportunity to develop trust and love in relationships because he has been in an orphanage where he has had to learn to protect himself.
The adoptive mother had him for only 6 months. It takes at least that long to help a dog adapt to a new environment. Surely, one would expect that a child with challenges such as those mentioned would take considerable time to settle in a new country, with new people that are now his parents. The child doesn't automatically adapt to this. He needs time, encouragement and love. It takes time for trust and bonding to develop. I feel so sad for this child's future. He has been abandoned at least 2 times officially and I am sure many more time because of the system he was caught up in.
Do not adopt a child if all you want is a show piece. A child is someone who has needs and even in the most perfect situation, he needs support and love to help him learn how to behave.
I observed this child on TV briefly and he seemed to be responding normally to the strangers he encountered. I wonder if the adoptive mother was stressed because she suddenly had a young child NOT an infant who would give the adjustment time needed. This child already had learning skills whether good or bad and he was coping in the way he had already learned. He needed a period of calm to settle in his new home and adjust to the language and environment. He needed to feel loved, not stressed. If he was hard to handle, then I am certain there are support services to assist in the transition period.
If a "birth" mother did that to her child, I believe that criminal charges would be laid. I can't comprehend putiing a child that age, alone on a plane and sending him back to his country. So many things could have gone wrong. Maybe the adoptive mother is in need of psychological guidance because her actions are cruel and neglectful, regardless what the circumstances. I really hope this woman is never allowed to adopt a child again. The repercussions are too severe and damaging for the innocent child who needs a life and more! I don't think that is too much to expect from a person who has assumed the role of a parent.

loraottawacanada   April 13th, 2010 8:08 am ET

Geral Jolly

For once I agree with you! This child no matter what the problems did not deserve to be put on a plane alone like a piece of luggage being sent back to its owner!

The adoptive parents should be punished!

Ted   April 13th, 2010 9:08 am ET

@ Gerald Jolly

That child was not just dumped on the plane, as you suggest.

It happens every day that minors travel alone on an airliner, a stewardess is asigned to take good care of him, at arrival another person will pick him up at the airport and delivers him to the person who is waiting to pick him up. That child is never left alone!!!

Several of my friends adopted children that turned out to be a disaster. One at age 12 broke into friends homes and started fires and ended up in a juvenile detention house, another girl at the same age made extra money by sleeping with boys.
Both parents were normal upright middle class people with good character.

If you adopt a child make sure you get a baby that is not spoiled yet, otherwise you are playing russian roulette with your own life!!
We have many children in homes right in the USA, whay bring a child from a foreigh country with language and other problems?

A child born to us is an obligation that cannot be denied, unless you put it up for adoption.
A child adopted should not be final for a year or so, because if it doesn´t work out it is better to send the child back to the home he came from. Why should everyone suffer?

On the other hand I find this couple from TN should be fined, because this was not the correct way to give the boy back, but the fastest and least complicated. Do you blame them??

Patricia Segvich   April 13th, 2010 10:21 am ET

As a mother of two adopted boys from Russia, and one biological boy, I think it is completely WRONG for the mother to send the boy back. She adopted the boy. She is his PARENT! I cannot send my russian boys back just as I cannot send my biological boy back, no matter what problems they have. Their problems are now my problems and I have to deal with them. Yes, maybe the boy had traumatic anger problem (which is to be expected) the mother needs to get help here in the U.S. The boy is her son now! We have no guarantees with biological nor adopted children, but we do have many avenues of support, especially within the Russian Adoption community.

lifelessons4u   April 13th, 2010 10:23 am ET

Who are we to judge another person? In the perfect world, none of us would ever make errors in judgement, and we would behave perfectly. We were not in her shoes and we do not have all the facts. I'm sure this mother did not make this decision lightly. There have been a few comments from people wondering why so many people are adopting kids from Russia. - I think it's because we are told that in the U.S. there is a shortage of White babies up for adoption. People don't really want to adopt older kids. So, to make their dreams come true, White parents go to Russia to adopt White babies and toddlers.

thelittleyellowcar   April 13th, 2010 10:39 am ET

How could anyone do such a thing to a little boy. He's just a child. She should have known when she adopted him that the culture shock between living in a Russian orphanage and the USA may be difficult for him.
The point of adoption is to give children hope, hope that even though their parents couldn't care for them, that someone does love them. By having this experience repeated, the child's emotional state will be more deeply hurt than ever.

The most disgusting thing about this whole affair is her putting him on the plane, not even saying goodbye.

A child for life, not just for Christmas.

Caroline Rose   April 13th, 2010 11:30 am ET

About the child being sent back to Russia. No one knows what this woman and her family was put through. it is easy be the one looking in and judging. Who made us judge over persons as to say what is right for them? That is between her and her conscience.

Stacey   April 13th, 2010 11:59 am ET


We need to understand that the Russian health care system is very different than our own. It is not inferrior, just different. All children are thought to be born defective until they can prove otherwise. Consequently, children may have multiple medical diagnoses that they would not have in the US.

The problem lies with the lack of ethical and moral accountablity within our own American agencies. There is a huge disconnect between the agency and the adoptive family!! In most agencies, the director of the country has never stepped foot in the country! Once the money is collected, you, as an adoptive family, are signed off. We adopted a 2 1/2 year old girl from Ukraine and the agency does not even has the address for us so I could send the orphanage a
Christmas card with our daughter's picture.

We need to have a body similar to NATO to morally and ethically create global values with international adoption.

I will pray for the Russian boy and his family. I will continue to have help that international adoptions from all countries can occur with love, trust, and peace.

Theresa   April 13th, 2010 11:59 am ET

Too many people when wanting a child only envision that perfect sleeping baby...for some reason reality is no where in their dream. It;s not until they have that baby or child home that the crying,sleepness nights occur. Parenting is hard doesn't matter if it's a biological or adopted child....lack of sleep @ night = stressful days ahead. Too many times motherhood is made out to be nirvana ,people forget to tell you that are hard times ,bad times as well as the good. You're NOT a bad parent if you don't want to spend every waking hour with that child. Not everyone was made to be a parent. Don't feel guilty if you're not in like with that child 24 hr. of every day. You need a support system, utilize the services there are thta are offered. You don't have to be a martyr. Wrong decisions have been made. The problem with this present situatuon the adults didn't use the help that was around...that child probably did have many emotional problems..growing up with an alcoholic parent & then being dropped off @ an orphanage would do nothing to make him feel safe & secure.If the adopted mother couldn't handle motherhood ,she should have contacted the agency she dealt with. I can't imagine what was going thro' this child's mind sitting on that plane enroute to Russia all alone. How much more damage has been done to this child with the outcome of this situation?

Munir Iqbal   April 14th, 2010 12:39 am ET

I am shocked. A kid is not a pet that you can just give up. Need to have a "Society for the Prevention of Cruelty towards Adopted Children" next.

FreddyAbbottGawain   April 14th, 2010 12:43 am ET

One can imagine how much this poor lad has suffered during this beginning of his life. With no parental contact at home, he had the chance of finding family affection in a country that had been an antagonist of his own for a long time. I hope that when he grows up he will have shown the resillience needed to appreciate in balance that his case resulted in an agreement, an understanding betwen the responsible authorities in Mother Russia and in the USA. He will then feel comforted, in his career and his own family, to see children taken care of as loving and lovely beings in formation, God-given souls striving to develop in this first life the potential they are all given by Him, for their lives in eternity, to evolve towards the individual perfection He invites all of us to reach. Galbanum

therippa   April 14th, 2010 1:40 am ET

I don't think the mother is wrong for sending the child away. If she felt threatened enough to do so, then all the power to her. When a boy that young is threatening to slaughter your family, that's not exactly a desirable situation.

jcorn   April 14th, 2010 3:03 am ET

As the parent of an internationally adopted child, the Child Citizenhip Act of 2000, found at the U.S. State Department site, clearly notes that adopted children become American citizens once they reach the United States, as long as they are under 18 years of age and have at least one naturalized citizen parent (who can be an adoptive parent).

In short, an American citizen was put on a plane and sent back to Russia. This is no different than any American parents shipping their children who are American citizens to a foreign country and saying, "Oops, we've decided we don't want you!" It would be considered illegal. It is equally illegal in this case.

There are options within the United States to handle failed international adoptions but the child was an American system and subject to American laws.

Ken   April 14th, 2010 9:40 pm ET

I am very disturbed by the misconceptions about adoption, especially international adoption, as well as the overall disregard for a child's welfare shown in some of these postings. Adoption is not like test driving a car, it is a life long commitment. In order to adopt a child from Russia, you must travel at least twice to the country or spend several months there. You are required to interact and bond with your child (usually for at least 2 weeks) prior to being awarded parental rights. My wife and I adopted an amazing little girl from Ukraine, and although the outcome has been incredible, the journey was extremely stressful. Most Adoption Agencies, let alone non-adoptive parents understand how arduous the whole process is for families attempting to provide a loving home to a child. That being said, we were never promised a "perfectly healthy" child. In fact, if this TN woman was told this by her agency, they should be shut down immediately for fraud! When you have made the choice to start the adoption process, you understand that most of the prospective children have been institutionalized and come from broken homes, many with alcohol and/or drug issues. You do everything you can to determine the health of your child prior to making a final decision, but there are always risks. The time required for bonding prior to obtaining parental rights is so that you can interact and see the wonderful side of being close to a child. Once you have agreed to take the child, you are the parent(s) – period! For better, for worse, in sickness, and in health. Parenting is one of the most difficult, yet rewarding jobs in the world. As care takers of children, we are obligated to put their best interests first. If the woman and her mother were concerned about their safety, they had many other avenues to pursue, starting with the social workers at their adoption agency. Also, did the boy ever see a Doctor in the US? Would people change their minds in this case if the boy was her biological son? This specific issue will cause delays and most likely cancellations of many families dreams of adopting a child. We really need to reevaluate our morals and values as a society if this type of attitude and behavior is accepted.

Ted   April 15th, 2010 8:28 am ET

@ Ken

Congratulation for your successful interacting with your adopted daughter, may I ask you how did you do it? I am sure the child did not speak english, so you must speak ukranian or at least russian.

We have in the USA millions of children waiting for a new home. Our country can offer any variety of them, black, yellow, brown and whites of all shades, so why do you have to go to another continent to get a child??
Is it snobismus that drives all those adopting adults so later they can brag about their good deeds of saving a child overseas?
Charity should begin at home, so be kind to your own, I do not see any foreigners adopting american children.

FreddyAbbottGawain   April 15th, 2010 6:02 pm ET

These transmillenial times of ours are putting in check so many of our conventions at the same time, that referring to this young man's case one cannot refrain to comment that our Spiritual Governance (Christ Michael and Mother Spirit) have decreed a "Correcting Time" on all of the 37 worlds involved in lucifer's rebellion, 250 thousand years ago, in our Planetary System of Satania. Because of that insurrection, Earth spent 200,000 years in quarantine, and during this time Adam and Eve (37, 000 years ago) bravely volunteered to come here and biologically elevate the six races evolved from the first human couple (Andon and Fonta, one million years ago). They came to follow the normal pattern of all planets of time-space, to combine those races into a single race, with one religion and a common language and Government. Their saga in Mesopotamia is described in the Urantia Book (pages 847/54) and their "grace and integrity" in the Second Garden, in Mesopotamia, motivated our Creator Son, Christ Michael, to incarnate here. Here He ended the rebellion personally, and acquired Supremacy in the name of the Trinity, while the Courts of the Superuniverse followed the procedures of Divine Law in the process Gabriel versus Lucifer. In the fall of 1984 ( Lucifer, Satan, Caligastia and Daligastia were finally executed, after refusing the mercy extended to them with the possibility of rehabilitation. All of their followers accepted the way towards rehabilitation and rejoined normal service. The Correcting Times (see tmarchives and 1111, started in the eighties, with the Teaching Mission described at the first site. For those who believe in the Urantia Book of 1955 as our charter of cosmic citizenship, in the class of ascending children of the Father Eternal More-Than-Spirit, these transmillenial times are conducting us to the Era of Light and Life (the ideal society). We shall follow the supraconscious directions of Maquiventa Melchizedek (the Prince of Salem in Patriarch Abraham's time) and of Monjoronson, an Avonal Son of Paradise in his Magisterial Mission here, to guide us and prepare Christ Michael's long-awaited return to the pale blue planet where his life and teachings became the Living Religion of His local universe of Nebadon. In the West, we are now witnessing the collective analysis of the essential institution of the family, that must allow our children and grandchildren to pursue happiness as brothers in the Family of God, helped by the dedicated and loving care of myriads of celestial beings. They have pledged to help all those determined to make this a better place to live and later follow it up as we proceed to our long ascending careers to the perfection that the Father invites us to reach, individually and planetarily. Now evolving in a new Era that shall no longer threaten human survival as a whole, each one of us can help in their way, co-creating correction in ourselves and wherever our perceptions can reach. Having lived in both Washington and Moscow during my youth, I now hope that this young Russian will overcome such a challenging beginning and happily work in the new global society that is to taking form. Galbanum

Ken   April 16th, 2010 11:21 am ET


I appreciate your interest and concern for children within the US. I share the same concern for all children who do not have parents. Although my main points were about the caring and loving for an adopted child regardless of where they were born, I will try to answer your questions.

Adopting domestically is no easier than internationally albeit you do not have to travel nearly as far. A big consideration in our family's adoption process was the rights of the birth mother along with the possiblity that she (or the birth father) may want to come in contact with the child at an early stage post adoption. So, we felt that the best choice for us was to adopt internationally. Within that decision process, we determined that the Ukraine program at our adoption agency was the best suited to allow us an opportunity to adopt a young girl. We have a biological son who, at the time we started the process was 2 years old. It took us 4 years before we received the good news that we would travel to Ukraine.

Again, many adoptive parents have their own reasons for wanting to adopt as well as where they choose to adopt from. They should be applauded for going through this arduous and extremely emotional process which many times is even more stressful due to infertility issues. However, as I stated earlier adoption is a life long commitment. As with biological children, there are no guarantees in how healthy or emotionally stable a child will be (even less so when a child has grown up in an orphange or foster care). Once you become a parent, you MUST accept that responsibility and put your child's best interests at stake. Also, there is no "trial period" when adopting a child. If you are not sure about being a parent, you can become a foster parent. Again, would you feel differently if this woman had put her biological son on that plane?

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