May 15, 2009

Kate Gosselin Admits to Struggling with Her Marriage

Posted: 04:12 PM ET


By Kate Coyne

She's embroiled in a public scandal linking her husband, Jon Gosselin, to another woman, and Kate Gosselin tells PEOPLE in its latest cover story that she and her spouse have been privately struggling for months.

"I don't know that we're in the same place anymore, that we want the same thing," she says quietly. "I've been struggling with the question of 'Who is this person?' for a while. I remember where I was the first time I heard her name. It's one of those things where you can try to make it go away, but there's blaring, red flashing lights."

The name to which Kate refers belongs to 23-year-old Deanna Hummel, whose brother later claimed she'd been having a months-long affair with Jon.

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Filed under: Kate Gosselin • Larry King Live

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No Rose   May 15th, 2009 5:40 pm ET

Well it's obvious he doesn't want the same things as you, he's probably shell shocked from all those kids and you.

The W.O.   May 15th, 2009 5:43 pm ET

Can you imagine how much child support he is gonna have to pay?

No Rose   May 15th, 2009 5:48 pm ET

And I'm sure Kate will stick it to him big time.

Dodie ~ California   May 15th, 2009 8:09 pm ET


Dodie ~ California   May 15th, 2009 8:12 pm ET

@ No Rose ( lol )

Kate: No more traveling around the country for book signings. Now you have to be a mother & father to all those children!!! So get your butt home and stay there!

Tammy   May 15th, 2009 9:55 pm ET

I hope Kate kicks that immature loser Jon to the curb ! Her only mistake was marrying a 22 year old little boy. What was she thinking. What she's doing now out and supporting her family is what Jon should be doing with her. I don"t even want to hear anybody slam Kate for being greedy. Like she said a small sacrifice now for a huge pay off later. How many people have 8 kids ? Men do it all the time. Travel to make a living so don't even go there people with Kate doing what Jon should be doing. Jon knew how controling Kate was when he married her so that's not even an excuse. Kate hang in there make the money to set yourself up and take Jon to the cleaners ! You and the kid's deserve better.

Imperfect World   May 15th, 2009 10:15 pm ET

Sorry, Tammy, after reading the article in People Magazine, I got the impression she has all those kids for the "Huge pay off" you mentioned. Nobody should have that many kids. It's bad for the earth. Just think how much this family contributes to global warming, especiall her hot air.

Peanut   May 15th, 2009 11:03 pm ET

I feel so bad for Kate,Jon and the kids..I am a Canadian Mother of 5 children and Grandmother of 5 Grandbabies..I do not like to Bash anyone and Kate is right!!! It is what it is!!! Life!!! One day at a time. Everyone has problems and everyone makes mistakes..I and my 76 year old Mother never watched TV because most of it is garbage. We never watched it until my Kids told us about this show called Jon and Kate plus 8. They told us how great it was..Now every Monday night my Mother and I turn on the TV to watched them..We love them..DO we like the way Kate talks to Jon sometimes "NO" as it is very disrespectful to talk like that to your spouse or anyone..We hope she is working on that..Who cares if Jon or Kate had an affair..That is for them to work out..LIke she said their kids are #1..I don't know how many Canadians are on these blogs and forums bad mouthing them..But I would bet my last dollar that 90% of them are Americans..I like Americans very much.. but as a true Canadian I know we are not as Star struck nor do we talk about our friends and neighbors and Loved ones..Get a life people and just choose to watch the show or Not..You have a remote..Turn it off if you don't like what you see..Instead of bad mouthing and getting into others lives..As a Canadian I say if you talk about someone elses life.. then you don't have a life of your own..I hope they are on for a very long time as it is the only show I watch and I would miss it so much..

als   May 16th, 2009 12:02 am ET

The writing was on the wall on her last episode on TLC. John wanted to leave the show and Kate wanted to stay.

Dodie ~ California   May 16th, 2009 1:41 am ET

@ Peanut Canadians have always been very nice people. Canada does not have the population increase that USA does, especially southern California. Its why we are broke as a state. You probably have NO idea what it is like living in an area of 35,000,000 (35 million) people. In this area, people get excited if we see any kind of wild animal since there are none except for birds and not very many of those. I drive 9 miles to work, it takes me 40 minutes on a good day and over an hour on a bad day. There is no silence... you can always hear noise from people everywhere. When you can see the air you breathe, that is not a good sign. I live by the ocean and only 5 miles from the hills. 8 months of the year, I can not even see them through the pollution. Everyone is afraid to drink the water due to pollution. So we spend billions of dollars on bottled water. There are NO stars visible in the sky here.

I have also lived in China for a while and you have no idea what it is like living with 2 billion people. You stretch out your arms and smack some one in the face. People have to live in 30 – 50 story condos. No room for houses. Shopping malls are usually under ground.

For these reasons, I have become cynical with large family people. In my area, having a large family is very very selfish! And most unfortunately, in my area many women who have a lot of children do so to make money off them. I hope this helps you understand why so many of us are cynical! Living in these conditions, one becomes acutely aware of how many people there are on this planet!

Peanut   May 16th, 2009 2:47 am ET

Dodie..I do understand as I have travelled the world..Each time I come home and appreciate the mountains,ocean,wildlife etc...I happen to agree with you about large families..But only selfish if you cannot give your children a good life. This is why I believe Jon and Kate are still doing ths show..I guess they figure that by doing the show it will give them the chance to provide more things for the kids..We all make our own choices on how we live our life. Everyone has made wrong choices in life and has to own what ever consequences come of them..Isn't it Ironic how in Canada the more kids you have ..the more child tax credit you get each month from the goverment..Raising my 5 children was hard and I did without a lot of things..We have WANTS and we have NEEDS..I provided the Needs..Education is important so I see why Kate wants all her kids have a Education..That costs alot of money..My 5 children have done very well because of the Education as I felt it was a NEED..My husband travels 2 hours to work each day so we can live in the Country..And by the way!!! LOL he produces the bottled water you drink..She chose to have her babies and now she must do what she has to do..As I would of done for my babies.As we Canadians say..You got to do ..what you got to do..Its just a show and like Kate says..It is what it is..So now take one day at a time..

kaitlyn   May 16th, 2009 7:31 am ET

I personally tried to watch Jon & Kate plus Eight, but, frankly, I could not get past the absolute emasculating way Kate treated Jon. The fact that she obviously has OCD & is so over bearing and controlling was a complete turn off. I can’t stand people like that in my real life why do I want to put up with it being pumped into my TV. With the constant way that Kate belittled that man and treated him as if he were just another kid living in the house was not healthy for them and in my opinion the viewing public.

Am I blaming Kate for his actions? NO! However Jon was treated at home is not an excuse for adultery he is a grown man and knew better. The fact that he was emasculated almost every episode might explain the reason he did such a thing. He does not get a free pass on this one from me. With that said, neither does she. Let’s face it this family rode the gravy train for a while now. Big house, great vacations, and fancy cars. It has been a long time since they did without, so the show served its purpose for them.

They have exploited their children & freely put them selves out there for all to view. So, now they have to view the negative side of being a reality celebrity. If they couldn’t handle being in the public eye then remove yourself from public eye. I really think they are now a product of their own making for the sake of money and things. To those who say they did it for the kid’s sake. I say, Okay, you have a point. But, when is enough enough? When does common sense over take greed? As far as the kids are concerned, this may sound cold but, didn’t they voluntarily go and have those eggs implanted? Didn’t she then decide to have all of those now embryos develop into children? I mean it wasn’t a surprise pregnancy, it was a goal. My question is this, when people bring up the fate of those children. Since when is society responsible for these women’s decision to have litters of children? How does that make it our job? Very cute kids, but, there a cute, beautiful kid’s born everyday. They come into this world a true accidental by product by a careless parent. Why are people not clamoring to take care of these children?

Life is hard and we all make choices. I say let people lay in the beds they have made. Everything that affects this family are personal choices. From how they treat each other to deciding to have so many children (yes, a choice!), deciding to put their lives out in public for monetary gain and so on and so. .

Maybe they should start making better choices, as far as the ones they already made, not my problem.

hope   May 16th, 2009 9:46 am ET

you know what they say,

Guys just want to have fun....

karen   May 16th, 2009 10:07 am ET

I agree with other comments about kate exploiting her children for money. My neice wanted the jon & kate plus eight video for christmas and I refused to buy it. There is no way I am going to pay for someone else's extravagant lifestyle. I mean these kids wear better clothes and get to go on more extravagant vacations than most hard working adults all before the age of 5! Kate got a tummy tuck, jon got hair plugs, they both get their teeth whitened, cars, expensive sunglasses now a fancy house with high end appliances and a bodyguard?!! all the while they have friends and volunteers taking care of their children for them for free. You know what I'd like to see? where'd they be if they had to do it all on their own, like most people, with their own income & no volunteers . How would life be for them then? That's what I'd like to see. How would they manage if they did the show for free. That's reality! Like some of these other shows whose familys have 12 children and no celebrity. I don't watch the show anymore once I saw all of this extravagance going on & I knew it would only be a matter of time bfore something like this was going to happen. That's what happens when you sell your soul to the devil, you get burned! Besides Kate IS EXTREMELY ANNOYING! She thinks she"s perfect & that the way she takes care of her kids is perfect and has the isn't my life perfect act going on. And by they way I can't stand that haircut! She looks rediculous! Like a peacock or a thanksgiving turkey. Not sexy at all! This is one woman who doesn't want your haircut EVER! Don't think for one minute that Kate will divorce Jon. How will she be able to maintain her celebrity lifestyle that she has become so accustomed to? How will he be able to afford child support? No don't fool yourselves she"s not going anywhere. But I do predict she will ride that gravy train to the end.

Dodie ~ California   May 16th, 2009 11:33 am ET

Peanut and Kaitlyn:

I have NEVER watched kate + 8 or whatever the name of the show. I don’t promote large families. They both made choices with their behaviors and now they both have to accept responsibility.

Kaitlyn: I completely agree with you. Having the children on TV is an invasion of their privacy. Look at all the other children who have been in the eye of the public all their lives. The Carpenters… Karen took her own life, look at the Jacksons… Michael and the others are a mess psychologically.
Peanut: Yes, in the USA families still get a large tax credit for each child and those of us who have small families end up paying for those who have large families. We pay for their education, most often their medical, which in this country can end up being millions of dollars and financial support. One of the main reasons California is (( broke )) is because we have too many large families with no one supporting them except for the California tax payer. A democracy is wonderful ONLY if everyone pitches in. We have too many women, many using drugs and popping out children who are born addicted in this state and are all on our welfare system. I know this because I work in the system. I see this on a daily basis. Many are illegals from other countries, mostly from Mexico. Of course, the other reason we are broke is because of large corporate control. So the middle class is being squeezed by the wealthy and poor.

My philosophy is: NEVER have more children than you can completely support emotionally, physically and financially. The selfishness is having what YOU WANT and not caring who has to support your children emotionally, physically and financially. In China. If you have one child, the country will pay for everything.. medical, education… etc. If you have more than one child, then YOU pay for everything. I would love to have universal health care like Canada. But in order to do that, most of the people have to be working to support it. In California we probably have 25% of our population (when times are good) not working and do NOT want to work. They have learned to live off of state aide. You have no idea how many tens of thousands or hundreds of thousands of children that have been thrown away and are now living in group homes in California. Group home is the new version of an orphanage. Its very sad. So while your husband is willing to make the sacrifice by driving long distances and working, that kind of responsibility often does NOT exist here.

If people want lots of children, then adopt, adopt, adopt!!!

junemary   May 16th, 2009 8:45 pm ET

I hope these two can work things out for the children.
Everyone makes mistakes.
They both have to do some changing. Both are to blame.
I do not think I would be able to put up with being talked to the way Kate speaks to her husband.
She is rude and humiliates him on camera.
Can't blame him for seeking another women to make him feel better.
How they are going to live without the income from their show is a question they better ask themselves.
And the child support will be outrageous for John to pay.
How unfair it is for men when a marriage ends.
Kate will be able to sit home on her ass, writing her books, doing her talk shows and collecting John's money.
I wish them both luck.

C Kelly   May 16th, 2009 11:44 pm ET

This show is about money!! She has a new book out and a season premier next week where the Goslins will explain "it to all" to us dumb watchers...didn't they renew their vows last year? NOW we hear that the two had "an arrangement" because Kate no longer wanted to be married to Jon-so he can live over the garage of the big new house (presumably with the dogs she didn't want) and date other women. who knows-anything for the sake of the show...right Kate?

Jon stated on the show from the beginning, he only wanted the twins and no more children but you wanted a big family..So, still in your twenties -you have fertility treatments..The original octomom.

No extended family is in the show-or remains in the show for long. WHY Kate?

The level of barking and ordering your husband around reveals the great selfishness and need for control, that is your modus operandi..classic OCPD-A profound lack of empathy for your husband and children who have no business growing up in front of a camera..

Yeah Kate-its pretty obvious its all about the money-from the church donations- to the books- to the house- to the ridiculous public appearances.You have eight children!! At least one shows emotional problems as a consequence of the large family so close in age together and on TV. It was nice for a season now get on with your life and being a mother to your kids. Be a wife to your husband and forget the fame and fortune. We have seen enough.

CAROLE YARMO   May 17th, 2009 5:53 am ET

I don't understand .. with 8 kids, and camera's around you all the time, Who the heck has the time to cheat !!
Perhaps the 8 kids should be given to the Octomom !!!

Jon and Kate ... SMARTEN UP !!!

Peanut   May 17th, 2009 10:44 am ET

Where is everyone reading all this GOSSIP it from???? Oh wait!!! Only the Enquirer now for sure so it must be true...He said ..she said..If you don't want to watch the show then turn it off...We monitor TV and Internet for our Children People do your seff a favor and do it for yourself if think it is inappropiate for you to handle..I like the show and as a Canadian I beleive innocent until proven guilty..and DO NOT listen to what those trash magazines say..Who cares get a life..It is a SHOW..

Peanut   May 17th, 2009 11:03 am ET

DODIE..Do you think anything is really much different in Canada..We have poverty and homeless children too..Yes our Medical is better but we don't spend as much on weapons and going to the Moon..You get better treated here if you are immagrant...better than if your born here..Our criminals have more rights than we do..Us Canadians know more about your politics and can name and place all your States..You all think we live in Ingloo's and Speak French and live around beatiful Mountains,Lakes and Oceans..You seem to know nothing about us except of course once again what you may read or see on the front cover of a magazine..Who cares what Jon and Kate are or are not doing..Its is thier life..Leave them alone..Why is beyond me other people feed off of other peoples misfortunes or gossip..

CAROLE YARMO   May 17th, 2009 4:56 pm ET

Im born and raised in Canada and we have our crap too.
Try getting medical care in Ontario ( non existant )
I'd rather pay 1200.00 and get the care. and nothing is FREE
Everything is almost twice as expensive here, so they get us that way
But this forum is about Jon and Kate (as messed up as they are )
What is it about cameras that screw them up? and they arent even Hollywood ( yet ) Poor kids is all I have to say!! Stop being so selfish and raise your children!!!!!!!!!

arlene   May 17th, 2009 5:55 pm ET

all that matters in this mess is the are they going to feel when they get older and read all this crap.that both there mother and father .got themself into.i for one do not like the way kate speakes to jon.i would to mnever talk y husband that way. what is she thinking .dose she not see what she is doing to her children.when she speaks to jon .good example you show kate.from canada

C Kelly   May 17th, 2009 7:24 pm ET

I am from Canada too-Ontario is different than BC-the health care here is excellent!! My mother has had two MRI's and an angyogram without any wait-my physician is excellent. I grew up in Ontario and was there for a year after my father died. The healthcare system is like a welfare system unless you are in Hamilton, London or Toronto-where it is very good! But over-all I'd say our healthcare is good. I have friends in New Mexico who have terrible experiences even with GOOD insurance at $1200.00 per couple/mth-there are a shortage of doctors , hospitals and facilities in all rural areas across North America.

But Jon and Kate shoud take a step back and look at their family life-with all of us looking at it-how can their be reality or intimacy?

Karen   May 18th, 2009 1:12 am ET

It wasn't that long ago that they were renewing their vows in Hawaii

Tia   May 18th, 2009 2:15 am ET

Wow, it's pretty amazing to see how some people are so “up in arms” about large families-kind of scary to read.

It's more environmentally friendly to have ten children in one family then one child in ten different families-you research why.

I believe it is life styles that effects the earth adversely, there are still tribes and nations that have never harmed this earth. The Indians can serve as a great example.

Now listen to the way my mind works. Some how in this unending universe, that scientist say continues to grow and expand, there has got to be space for more people! I have even read that a major problem being faced in the world today is that there are not enough people being produced to take care of the older generation.

People are the most precious resource on earth.

CAROLE YARMO   May 18th, 2009 8:45 am ET

Lucy and Ricky fought
the Clevers never fought
the Huxtables .. welll LOL
Why can't jon and kate fight ??
Oh to be a TV couple ??

kim of berks county   May 22nd, 2009 9:03 am ET

An open letter to Kate Gosselin:

Dear Kate,

Thank you for coming to Detroit last Thursday and being a part of Metro Parent Magazine's Distinguished Speakers Series. I know the hundreds of moms in the audience were excited to see you. I also appreciate your sharing with us the difficult time you are going through right now. The life of a celebrity isn't an easy one, as you are learning first hand. You're in the spotlight now. Surely, you're facing some trade-offs for offering your family to the public.

You've become a public figure yourself, Kate, and what you say and how you behave will be examined under a microscope. That's the price, I suppose, for being willing to share your life on your television show, "Jon & Kate Plus Eight." You get a nice paycheck, some great perks and celebrity status. In the balance, your life becomes exposed and you no longer have the same control as you did when you led a more private life. I'm not sure I'd take this deal, but your priorities are clearly different than mine and I applaud you for trying to keep it real.


Quite honestly, although we were delighted to bring you to town, as a mother myself, I was surprised that you've hit the road to promote your two books, given all that's going on and the responsibilities you have with eight children, all 8 years old or younger. You have a full plate, and it must be a struggle to balance all of the demands on your time and in your life. You obviously don't wish to compromise on your own needs either.

At our program, you spoke at length about your adorable kids - twins and the sextuplets (I recall hearing you say you didn't like the word sextuplets and prefer referring to them as multiples). Although you have a beautiful family, it can't be a piece of cake raising such a large brood! You said it yourself: Nothing has come easy for you; you and your husband, Jon, have struggled for everything. Although I'm not a regular viewer of your show, I've heard from many moms that your show's popularity is due to the fact that "ordinary moms" relate to you and feel that if you can swing it, so can they.

Your remarks at our presentation offered several lessons for the 800 (mostly) moms who came to hear you. You had some great insights, which I've classified into the Four Gs, or four lessons that have guided you since the birth of your set of six children.

The Lesson of Gratefulness

The first lesson you've learned raising eight kids is that parents should never take for granted all of the wonderful things that we have. Gratefulness is indeed important and, as a parenting tool, it's even more relevant. Children learn this attitude of gratitude from their parents.

Gratefulness gives rise to happiness and focuses on the fullness of life. Without gratefulness, we can't appreciate the small and large wonders our children provide. Without gratefulness, we can't value the truly remarkable blessings they bring us, even when we're tearing our hair out! Without gratitude, our mind focuses on the next thing on the list that needs to get done, rather than being mindful and grateful of the here and now. The Lesson of Gratefulness is crucial to living a rewarding life. As Albert Einstein observed, "There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." Yes, it can always be better, but it can always be worse, too. Much worse.

The Lesson of Giving

Before your children, you characterized yourself as being self-absorbed. You indicated you were never one to look beyond the needs of your own family or yourself and help others. With so many people helping you during that first year after the birth of your multiples, you began to appreciate the importance of giving to and sharing with those who had less.

However, I found your comments about giving and generosity a little self-serving. I was a little put off by your insight that when you give, you are rewarded in turn. In theory, I support this notion, but the rewards can be far less material than you suggested, Kate. You explained how when you give, you almost always get something tangible back in return, confirming to you that your gift was the right thing to do. To be honest, your story of writing a check to a nearby family who had some major struggles in their life only to receive, almost serendipitously, an anonymous gift card for the exact amount was disheartening to me.

I'd like to believe that the spirit of giving inherently suggests you won't necessarily get back anything in return. That's the whole point of generosity - giving for the sake of giving. What you get back is the intrinsic satisfaction of helping others. Still, the Lesson of Giving is an important one for all parents. True generosity springs from compassion. As the Dalai Lama once said, "Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive."

The Lesson of Getting Through

Next, you shared with us the Lesson of Getting Through - the lesson of "the grind." You noted how mundane and repetitive a parent's job is. "Moms get up, make breakfast, feed breakfast, clean up breakfast, then make lunch, feed lunch, clean up lunch ... and so on and so on." You mentioned how it sometimes feels like a pointless job, but it's an important one and parents shouldn't lose their focus or give up.

Kate, you are probably an expert on the repetition of parenting! One diaper after the next, one meal after another, one potty training followed by a second, over and over again. Of course, the endless litany of chores, responsibilities and tasks scream of being a mom or dad. I liked how you spoke of this aspect of mothering your kids, but I would have enjoyed hearing more about the fruits of your efforts. Think about it - we do this not because it's fun or easy but because there's purpose behind it. It's not pointless or futile, and the rewards are vast.

Rather than shuddering at the monotony of parenting, I suggest parents appreciate that children often thrive and grow into independent, secure adults when surrounded by routines, schedules and security. Without some order and, yes, a lot of repetition, our lives can become governed by chaos, clutter and ambiguity. The burdens - and ordinariness - of parenting also offer lessons in patience and perseverance. As a parenting coach, I advise parents to focus less on the arduousness of the work and more on the outcomes. Perhaps St. Thomas More said it best: "The ordinary acts we practice every day at home are of more importance to the soul than their simplicity might suggest."

The Lesson of Guiltlessness

Another key learning that you shared with us, Kate, is that guilt has no place in parenting. The Lesson of Guiltlessness is a good one, because too often parents feel guilty in how they raise their children. "Continue what you're doing," you offered the audience. "And never be sorry for a job well done."

You spoke about how "mommy guilt" can get to you. It must be hard for you, especially now that you're touring around the country. You acknowledged you don't get enough time to snuggle with each of the children and that, being so goal driven, it's hard for you to be "in the moment" with your kids. Your advice to "leave it alone - there's always tomorrow" is sound. Parenting has the unique capability of making parents feel guilty. You are quite right when you suggest parents should rid themselves of guilt. It's destructive and places the focus on perfection. Being a parent is a continuous process that requires making some mistakes in order to learn, improve and grow.

Graciousness, The Lesson You Left Out

I think, however, you forgot one very important lesson that is also a crucial skill for parents, Kate. Graciousness is a critical skill and attribute for all parents. You failed to show any graciousness in your appearance last week. I did not find you to be a particularly kind, warm or nice person. You were unfriendly and actually quite aloof and rude to your hosts and sponsors. There were many people in the audience who perceived a sense of snootiness as well. I know because they came up to me afterward and mentioned it.

I often tell parents that we model the way for our kids. The lesson of graciousness captures traits of kindness and generosity of spirit, both important in building character in our children. Graciousness is more than social etiquette; it's the quality of being pleasant, thoughtful and kind-hearted. As parents, when we act graciously, we demonstrate to our children that we value this trait and want to see it in them. The way to raise a kind and gracious child is to be a kind and gracious person.

Kate, I know you are going through a difficult time, as rumors abound about your marriage and personal life. Unfortunately, when you decided to share your life with a huge viewing audience, you gave away many of your rights to claim privacy. You clearly enjoy several benefits and perks of a celebrity lifestyle. This was clear in your new "look," sporting a lovely new hairstyle and arms that rival Michelle Obama's. But that doesn't mean that you need to be haughty or carry an air of self-privilege at the expense of others. Otherwise, you risk being seen as an opportunistic "Octo-mom" looking for fame and glory. Remember that parents said they like you specifically because they relate to you as the "mom next door" and not as a self-important starlet.

Kate, you are entitled to have it all. I wish you and your precious family much success in the journey ahead. You deserve a wonderful and enriching life. But please understand that you can't demand the accoutrements of a celebrity life without also knowing there is a downside: namely, losing some of your freedom and privacy. As you continue to be in the public eye, don't lose sight of this thought: Wherever you go, whatever you do, walk with kindness, compassion and gratitude for others as well as yourself and know that you model the way, not only for your children, but for parents everywhere. That is the most important message we can pass on to others.


Alyssa Martina

Metro Parent publisher and president and certified parenting coach

Alyssa Martina is founder, president and publisher of Metro Parent Magazine and one of Metro Detroit's

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