May 29, 2009

How NOT to move in together

Posted: 01:04 AM ET

(The Frisky) - Whether you're getting married or have decided to live in (gasp!) sin, the decision to cohabitate is one of the most nerve-wracking, potentially fight-provoking, all-around-scariest things you will do as a couple. Here are some pitfalls to avoid:

How NOT to move in together

1. The Money-Saver Move-In: The recession is kicking everyone's ass, but if the major reasoning behind your decision to shack up is to save money, don't. Living together, while fun, is also hard work and you're going to need a big fat love connection when things get rough.

2. Romance Meets Finance: I know what you're thinking - enough with the boring money talk! But it's imperative that you figure out how you're going to divvy up the bills before you sign on the dotted line.

According to the National Survey of Families and Households, couples who felt money was being handled unfairly were 70 percent more likely to break up than couples who felt things were even. So it's really important you guys talk this out ahead of time. It's not as romantic as bickering over where the sofa should go, but it's far more important if you plan on staying together. The Frisky: Should you live together before marriage?

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Filed under: Larry King Live

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Dave of Detroit   May 29th, 2009 12:33 pm ET

This article would have been relevant 50 years ago-Take Co-Ed Dorms on our College Campuses that replaced separate Men and Women's Dorms that had people assigned to see no illicit activity was engaged in on the floors. The current ruling is that if you want your significant other to spend the night, you must find your assigned bunkmate another place to spend the night. As far as young girls running off with much older men and returning home pregnant when said older boyfriend finds out that the fun has stopped and girlie is with child and time for her to be sent home, this is a common occurrance. Get on the internet and unless you start talking with a big hairy Sheriff somewhere, you can usually talk a lonely, romantically inclined girl into somekind of liason-Has this article got any meaning at all? Loved Lou Dobbs question yesterday on the flag-never mind prayer anymore, got that one under control!

Rose   May 29th, 2009 3:48 pm ET

Many women enthusiastically move-in with boyfriends in their mid-20's. A great idea at the time. About 5 years or so goes by and the expected engagement does not occur. The ultimatums start. Often, the boyfriend will not make the commitment to marriage. There was no reason for him to think about it earlier as the woman has made herself the live-in-available, playing house.

The woman, now in her early 30's leaves the relationship. Her ex will move on to another mid-20's female. With her biological clock ticking – she feels the need to meet a new "right" man, marry and have a child within a few short years. No such an easy task – especially with many, many women in their 30's looking for a spouse.

Strong Suggestion: Do not move in together. Women should maintain their own place for the sake of their independence. Spend all the time they want with their boyfriends – but do not move in. If finances are forcing women (or men) to move-in then its for the wrong (perhaps desperate) reason. Often the marriages that result from years of living together end up in divorce – as the pressure to marry "due" to the relationship overshadow the right reasons to marry. What seems like a good idea at the time, will often lead to unhappy endings. Be smart – don't put your eggs in one unreliable basket. Have relationships, but stay independent.

Sorry, I don't want to sound like a pessimist, only a realist.

karen   May 29th, 2009 9:51 pm ET

I have a question for Steve. Why do men lie, even after given the chance to come clean?

G.   May 30th, 2009 12:18 am ET

The divorce rate is higher I think, for people who live together first. My daughter has had many roommates. Some are female like her, and a few are guys who she does not date. I don't love it, but oh well. Marriage is tough. Most find it tough to stick out decades of raising kids so maybe people just need to learn to be tougher. Living together and having fun is fun.

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